This Woman's Work
by effleurage
Summary: 3 years ago, Bella Black experienced a late-term miscarriage. Upon return to work, she fell hard for a new young cashier. 3 years later, after her divorce, she reencounters Edward. With their past history, will they connect or fall victim to circumstance?
1. Prologue

_Rated M, AU-H, OOC. WARNING: Miscarriage and Post-Partum-Depression themes represented._

**A/N: Sorry, this isn't a new update. I'm just doing a bit of ff housekeeping, fixing the formatting glitches I should've fixed months ago when ff went wonky.**

Well Readers, this story has been a long time coming. I've been a Twific reader for almost a year and now it's my turn to give back to the fandom. This story was written from the heart. Thank you to my awesome beta, _**Irritable Grizzzly**_, for her fastidious editing and helping me become a better writer. IG also named this fic! Special thanks to _**farkle **_for her encouragement and honest critiques. You ladies rock!

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

The Trimline phone rang and Bella picked it up after the third ring. She ran a hand through stringy brown hair and looked around her kitchen.

_Ugh_. She'd really let the place go to hell. Mail and three weeks' worth of daily newspapers littered the kitchen table and countertops. Empty _Paper City Brewery _bottles lined the edge of the sink.

"_Today,"_ she told herself, _she'd clean it up._

"Hello?"

"Hello, may I speak with Isabella Black please?", spoke an unfamiliar female voice.

"This is she. May I ask who's calling?" Bella asked with trepidation. She began to feel edgy and had no idea why.

"Yes, Mrs. Black. This is Rosalie with the Yale Pink and Blue Study. I'm calling to check in and ask you some more questions about the progression of your pregnancy."

Bella inhaled sharply and let herself fall into the closest kitchen chair. What she was about to say agonized her. Aside from her mother, Bella hadn't needed to tell anyone else personally. Jacob had seen to it.

"Um, excuse me, but I need to interrupt you before you go any further-" she said with a nervous laugh, and glanced at the microwave clock.

_Four PM - just enough time to take a quick shower and iron her work clothes._

These were brand new work clothes and the slacks didn't have a tummy panel.

She continued, "I'm not pregnant and I haven't been since the beginning of November."

Several moments of silence passed in which neither woman spoke. Finally, the voice asked blandly, "Mrs. Black, what caused your pregnancy to terminate?"

Bella stopped to wonder what kind of dispassionate droids Yale University handpicked for their research team.

_Perhaps they were all Vulcans._

She tugged the wedding band strung from a delicate gold chain around her neck and exhaled before letting go of the words that made her so angry and devastated. She could not contain the contempt in her voice.

"Well _Rosalie_, before you ask, _no_, it wasn't an abortion. I was hospitalized at thirty-two weeks with preeclampsia; my daughter was stillborn eight days later," she said tersely.

"Oh Isabella! I'm so sorry for your loss. I..." Rosalie's voice broke, "I'm sorry that my line of questioning came across so, so clinical," she sounded contrite.

Bella blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. With her ear and chin cradling the receiver, she flattened her palms against the edge of the littered maple table and pushed off of it to return to an upright position.

"Thank you, really, for your concern. I'm afraid that I'm a little defensive lately and…tired."

"I'll let you get your rest, then. Look, would you mind if I called you in a couple of weeks to ask some follow-up questions?" Rosalie's voice had noticeably picked up the pace and she sounded nervous, a far cry from the android she'd been at the beginning of the conversation.

Bella looked at the microwave clock again. _Damn! _She'd lost valuable ironing time. Now she'd have to hang her work clothes in the bathroom while she showered and the steam treatment would have to suffice.

She wasn't eager to answer any more pregnancy-related questions. She had been poked, prodded and quizzed about her physical health ever since the hospital stay. No longer confined to bed, she preferred not to dwell on the days that led up to Sarah's death. She found comfort in the framed snapshot of her beloved angel baby, but not consolation. She answered hastily and would worry about it later if Rosalie called back.

"Sure, but I'm afraid you'll have to call me earlier in the day. Going forward, I'll be working evenings."

"Will do, Mrs. Black! Thank you for participating in our study, and again, I'm terribly sorry for your loss," Rosalie said, quickly and ended the uncomfortable call.

Bella moved to put the receiver back onto the cradle. She looked at the twisted cord before untangling it. Her thoughts moved to her husband, since he hated twisted phone cords and often told her so.

She reached her arm to the ceiling until she grasped the pull-chain on the kitchen light. With a gentle tug, she turned it off and padded upstairs to get ready for work. The day she had dreaded for the last week and a half had finally arrived. People would whisper, point and stare. Those who heard what happened would coddle and pity her, she thought disgustedly.

Still, she hoped that her return to work would be a distraction. On that note, she hung her polo shirt and black slacks on the bathroom hook and turned on the faucets for a steamy shower.

* * *

**End Notes**: First of all, I want to emphasize that _I am not_ a health care professional elliciting medical advice. If you think that you, or someone whom you care about might have PPD, seek the advice of a physician. There are some great websites too: **postpartum (dot) net **with resources for moms, dads, friends, military parents, you name it. You should never feel intimidated to speak up about PPD. There are online and anonymous support groups for people who need to talk or want answers. Thank you for reading! Let me know what's on your mind. It's nice to know one's story has been read. I appreciate reader response and I make every effort to answer back.


	2. Work To Do chapter 1

_Rated M, AU-H, OOC. WARNING: Miscarriage and Post-Partum-Depression themes represented._

**A/N: Sorry, this isn't a new update. I'm just doing a bit of ff housekeeping, fixing the formatting glitches I should've fixed months ago when ff went wonky.**

Dear Readers, thank you so much for reading TWW! When I posted the prologue last week, I had no idea what kind of response you'd give it. I am deeply grateful to your readership and kind reviews. This week, I posted a teaser for this chapter with **The Fictionators**. I hope to do this with subsequent chapters. This chapter is a little shorter than most.

Thank you to my awesome beta, _**Irritable Grizzzly**_, for her fastidious editing and helping me to become a better writer. IG also named this fic! Special thanks to my pre-readers _**farkle **_and _**froz3n charlotte **_for encouragement and honest critiques. You ladies keep me in stitches.

Thank you to _**Rose Arcadia **_who made TWW a beautiful blinkie, banner and started a thread over at the Twilighted forum! Check my profile for the links. :)

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Work To Do - Chapter 1

"Shhh! Here she comes. Emmett, keep your trap shut," snapped a Rubenesque redhead in her late 50s as she smoothed invisible wrinkles on her smock.

"Who, me?" Emmett chortled as Shelly Cope smacked his elbow with The National Inquirer. Esme and Shelly briefly exchanged knowing smiles before they turned their attention back to the glass vestibule and the automatic doors Bella was about to enter.

"Don't you have work to do Emmett? Shouldn't you be in the camera room scoping out all the nineteen year-old girls? Or are you losing your touch?," Esme quipped.

The gentle giant's face cracked into boyish dimples, "Yes, Mom! I promise to be a good boy." The store detective smirked and strode away to the front of the store where the office with the mirrored glass was located.

"My God, Shelly! Do I look old enough to be his mother? He has to be close to thirty!", gasped the pretty caramel-haired woman.

"Honey, you forget that I'm just a year older than you and my oldest boy is turning thirty-five. Spring chickens we're not!" Her eyes had grown wide over the colorful ellipses of her reading glasses.

A familiar voice interrupted their repartee. "Who's not a Spring chicken? You two old birds making trouble in the henhouse again? Ruffling some feathers?"

"Bella!" Esme cried, eyes sparkling. She'd thrown her arms open to embrace the young brunette who had turned twenty-six less than three months ago. Bella returned Esme's embrace and found Shelly in equal want of a hug. As Bella squeezed, she remembered a time not too long ago when she would not have reciprocated.

Stop & Shop employed Bella from the tender age of sixteen, when she used to chase after carts in the parking lot. By high school graduation, Bella had risen in rank to cashier and earned more money than most other eighteen-year-olds she knew. She enjoyed continuous employment while attending day classes in Retail Management at the nearby State College.

Overall, the supermarket had promoted her four times. Her last promotion, less than three years ago, took her from Assistant Customer Service Manager to Manager of General Merchandise. Bella had a star-like quality and was lauded for her sense of urgency and attention to detail. Only twice during her employment had she asked for extended time off. The first was for her wedding and honeymoon. The second, she shuddered at the thought, was four weeks ago. Only then, it had been Jacob who called Mr. Newton, the General Manager to activate her FMLA status.

The employees who worked under her quickly learned that Bella Black expected efficiency and workplace decorum. No one in her department ever got away with wearing an iPod or a cell phone on the floor. She had a keen eye for spotting potential human resource "problems".

There was a time when Lauren and Tyler arranged to take all of their breaks together. Lauren made suggestive looks at the boy every chance she got. Bella stepped in and stopped the nonsense when she found the two of them side by side with Garvey guns, slapping price stickers on the same rows of packaged light bulbs.

"By no means is this a two-person job Mr. Crowley, Ms. Mallory. Tyler, finish this task unassisted. Lauren, follow me." Bella hand-delivered the brassy wench to Irina, the deli lead.

"You breeng me her?" the tough old Russian immigrant questioned Bella. She turned so that her intimidating gold dental work faced Lauren, "You theenk you can cut cheese?"

The platinum blonde wench snorted in disbelief at the Lilliputian deli clerk whose grasp of the English language did not include idioms. Lauren wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Smells like you already did, _Baboushka_." she crabbed. "Bella, if you stick me in the deli, I'll quit. I didn't start working here to scoop macaroni salad and fucking cut cheese! I have an AA degree and I'm not wasting it on a dead-end job. I'm on the managerial track!"

Bella smirked having already guessed Lauren's reaction to the new placement. "Lauren, you forced my hand today. Follow me to my office and we can discuss this further in private." She gestured to the front of the store.

"No, we're done here. Consider _this _my notice." Lauren erupted and threw the Garvey gun at her employer.

Bella's hand went to the two-way radio on her belt. "Emmett, this is Bella. Would you please come down to the deli for a termination escort?" She waited expectantly before static crackled and a big booming voice sounded in return.

"Yup, I've got you on camera now. Um, which one?"

Bella sighed. Irina had already gone back to refreshing the ice trays in the deli cases. She looked to Lauren who stood akimbo looking petulant. She depressed the send button, "Ms. _Mallory_, Emmett."

"Got it Bella," came Emmett's voice from behind. He firmly grasped Lauren's left elbow with his large right hand.

"Do we _have_ to do this?" Lauren pointed a digit between Emmett and herself. "Can't I walk to the lockers by myself?"

Emmett remained silent while he listened to Lauren Mallory's request. The girl had not taken him away from anything important. He caught Bella's eye and shrugged, deferring his response to her.

"Fine Lauren. Emmett will inspect your belongings on your way out the door. Do you want me to pass along any parting words to Tyler?" Bella spoke carefully, looking for any reactions from the twenty-one-year-old.

"Tyler? Pffft." She raised both eyebrows and dug her heel into the linoleum, leaving marks as she walked away.

Emmett shook his head and smiled. As he retreated, Bella mouthed, "Thank you!" and rubbed a toe of her non-marking shoes over the scuffs. They disappeared with a few toe swipes and Bella smiled softly with a sense of pride.

X-x-X

"Esme, Shelly-thank you, it's good to be back. I need to stop into the office for a moment. Will you be here when I get back?"

Shelly's eyes crinkled over her reading glasses. "Nope, hon. We're off for the night. Esme is working late tomorrow. You and I will have to catch up on the weekend, I'm sure."

"That's right, Bella! A lot has happened since you've been away. Can you believe that Tyler got promoted to management at the new store? We've added four new cashiers for the holidays," Esme gushed.

Bella groaned, "I swear the employee turnaround is like a revolving door!" She shook her head woefully. "See you later, ladies."

Bella removed the knit cloche from her head and surveyed the scene. To her right lay a candy cane and holiday Keebler cracker display. To her left, Yule logs and variegated poinsettias congested the tri-tiered Floral Department tables. It went without saying that four weeks before Christmas the entire store was bedecked in holiday regalia.

She briefly considered how she hadn't bought a single Christmas present during her leave of absence. _It's not like Jacob couldn't go out and shop for once. You'd think that he didn't know how to buy his own sister a sweater!_

Bella stood in front of the glass door that lead to the Executive Offices. Her sharp memory guided her fingertips and entered the key code. At the sound of the buzzer, Bella pulled the door open and walked down the short hallway to her inbox. The wooden slot which once bore her name now said "General Merchandise" and held a thick manila folder permanently marked "Bella Black" on its face. She opened the folder to scan its contents when she heard a hollow knock on the wooden doorframe behind her.

"Hello Bella, welcome back. I hope I didn't startle you?"

Bella placed the folder on the counter in front of her and turned to make eye contact with Michael Newton, General Manager.

"Mr. Newton! Thank you, it's good to be back," she eyed him curiously for a moment.

"May I speak to you in my office for a moment before you start your shift?"

Bella acquiesced with a nod and followed the middle-aged executive into his office. Once inside, he held out a chair for her, not at his desk, but at a small circular table. As he sat across from her, he produced a small smile on his round, pink face.

"How're you hanging in there, Bella? Are you ready to return to work?"

Bella's brow furrowed as she tried to tamp down her annoyance, "Well, I'm here, aren't I?"

A serious look passed over Newton's face. "You know that's not what I mean. You've worked for Stop & Shop almost as long as I've managed this unit. What I want to know is if you're happy with the schedule? Are you sure that you want to work part-time? There would always be a place for you in management if you changed your mind."

Bella chose her next words with care. "Mr. Newton, thank you for your concern. At this time, I'm only prepared to work twenty hours a week. Day shifts would be preferable, but I'll manage with what's available."

"All right, you know what's best for you. I'll have Human Resources keep an eye open for available day shifts. Angela will be in touch when we know of anything. That's it, I think," the General Manager rose to his feet.

Bella stood up quickly and pushed her chair into the table. She was about to thank him when he spoke again.

"Goodnight Bella. I hope to see you at next week's holiday party," He opened the office door and let them both out of the room.

Bella snatched the manila folder off the counter and turned to leave. She exited the executive office and made her way to the nearest time clock. She removed her swipe card from her pocket and punched in at 6:02 PM. On a bulletin board directly above the time clock was a sheet of green paper that announced:

Stop & Shop Annual Holiday Party

Saturday, December 12, 2009

6 PM cocktail hour, 7:30 PM dinner

At the Downtown Hilton

* * *

**End Notes**: First of all, I want to emphasize that _I am not_ a health care professional elliciting medical advice. If you think that you, or someone whom you care about might have PPD, seek the advice of a physician. There are some great websites too: **postpartum (dot) net **with resources for moms, dads, friends, military parents, you name it. You should never feel intimidated to speak up about PPD. There are online and anonymous support groups for people who need to talk or want answers. Thank you for reading! Let me know what's on your mind. It's nice to know one's story has been read. I appreciate reader response and I make every effort to answer back. (Tell me where you heard about TWW, too!)

Look for me on the TWW thread! www(dot)twilighted(dot)net(slash)forum(slash)?f=44&t=9220&start=0


	3. Domesticity chapter 2

_Rated M, AU-H, OOC. WARNING: Miscarriage and Post-Partum-Depression themes represented._

**A/N: Sorry, this isn't a new update. I'm just doing a bit of ff housekeeping, fixing the formatting glitches I should've fixed months ago when ff went wonky.**

Dear Readers, thank you again for reading TWW. -And if you're new to this story, welcome! I love catching up with you in reviews, PMs or on the forum thread. I think that I may have some of the most nice and sympathetic readers around! Many of you are grammar sticklers too. :) I hope you'll tell me if I'm up to par. Again this week, I posted a teaser for this chapter with **The Fictionators**. I hope to do this with subsequent chapters.

Thank you to my awesome beta, _**Irritable Grizzzly**_, for her fastidious editing and helping me to become a better writer. IG also named this fic! Special thanks to my pre-readers _**farkle **_and _**froz3n charlotte **_for encouragement and honest critiques. You ladies keep me in stitches.

Thank you to _**Rose Arcadia **_who made TWW a beautiful blinkie, banner and started a thread over at the Twilighted forum! Check my profile for the links. :)

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Domesticity - Chapter 2

The red LED showed it was 8:43. Bella sat up in bed, rubbed the sleep granules from her eyes and squinted at the glowing display. Her eyes fell to the empty left side of the bed: Jacob's side. Since the miscarriage, it was not unusual for her to sleep past ten AM. He worked days at the lawnmower dealership and rose by six-thirty. Normally, Bella instantly missed his body heat under the flannel sheets. This morning however, she found her mother's hand-knit purple afghan tucked around her body. She smiled at her husband's thoughtfulness and for extra sleep time on a work day.

She found her shearling slippers and blue fleece robe and padded downstairs to the kitchen where she smelled cooked bacon and strong coffee. She met the eyes of her husband who held a mug to his lips and was mid-swallow when Bella reached her arms around his shoulders and whispered in his ear.

"Good morning, Honey! It smells fantastic in here. Thanks for starting the coffee."

"Bella, I almost spilled hot liquid on you!" He grimaced and placed the John Deere mug on the nearest counter with a thud. "Couldn't you see the mug in my hands?"

"I'm sorry Jacob. I just wanted to say 'good morning'." She leaned into his weightlifter's build to peck his cheek.

Jacob grabbed her arms in one of his large callused hands and held them out in front of her.

"Bella, take a look around you. OPEN your eyes and take a good long look."

Tension claimed Bella's shoulders and her playful disposition turned solemn. She cast a glance around the small kitchen. The maple wood table was cleaned and cleared of mail and newspapers. Dirty dishes no longer littered the kitchen sink and counters. The tell-tale hum of the dishwasher surged over the ceiling fan's gentle whir. Jacob had mopped the vinyl floor with the citrus cleaner and small patches of wet showed under the light. She inhaled the clean scent before she addressed him.

"You cleaned the kitchen, it's immaculate. Thank you, I was going to do it today -"

Jacob interrupted, "Bells, you told me you were going to clean it over the weekend and you didn't. Today is Tuesday. - And all those bills that were on the table, did you think they'd go away if you ignored them long enough? I paid them and put them into that magic little box outside the front door. Seems like I can get an awful lot done when I get up before you."

Bella stepped backward and angrily jerked her arms free.

"Don't you _fucking _take that patronizing tone with me! To think I thought my dear husband let me sleep-in because he loved and cared about me! I have…," she sobbed, "I've spent the past four weeks in pain and grief. Most days I can't even think about getting out of my pajamas. Do you know what this feels like? No, you can't know because you didn't carry Sarah inside you for twenty-seven weeks!" She choked on the tears that spilled down her face in rapid succession.

"I _do_ know, but we can't afford to have us both fall apart! You need to start pulling yourself together. I care about you, but Bella, you just can't check out from life."

He leaned toward her and brushed her hair from her face and. her body resigned its rage and slumped into limpness. Her eyes were red and puffy. It pained him that he caused her anguish. He kissed her brow and she wept against his broad shoulder. He took her in his arms and stroked her long brown hair.

"Shh. We'll get through this. I'm so sorry for snapping at you. I don't want to be a monster. I just need my Bella back."

Bella looked up into Jacob's eyes and felt the sincerity of his words. She sighed, "I know, I'm working on it."

X-x-X

After Jacob left for work, Bella made a mental to-do list.

_Laundry,_

_Iron work clothes,_

_Scrub upstairs toilet,_

_Take a shower,_

_Call Dr. Hamilton's office for follow-up appt.,_

_Groceries._

She tackled the laundry first and noted the detergent was almost gone. _Need more Tide. _Her innate list-lover relished taking inventories. It was the way she kept herself sane. She put a halt to the ironing until her grocery list was made.

_French baguette. Bakery_

_Tomato soup, aisle 9_

_Milk, aisle 4_

_Orange juice, aisle 23_

_Cotton swabs, aisle 18_

_Shower gel, aisle 17_

_Tide, aisle 19_

_Frozen corn, aisle 22_

_Chicken breasts, Butchery_

Bella completed her few chores and felt that she'd scored a small victory. It seemed like her busy ten-hour workdays were a lifetime ago. In a way, they were.

She dug through her purse and willed her fingers to find her last OB-GYN appointment card. Instead, she found a multitude of coins, two forgotten Mass State Lottery scratch tickets and crumpled ATM receipts. She gave up the search and found the phone book instead.

_H…H…Ha… Hamilton, M.D.. _Bella circled the listing and dialed the number. A tiny jolt of anxiety shivered through her as phone rang thrice. Her eyes darted to the microwave clock and was reassured that her call was well past lunch hour. A pleasant female voice answered the phone.

"Dr. Hamilton's office, how may I help you?"

"Good afternoon. This is Bella Black calling to schedule a follow-up appointment with Dr. Hamilton."

"Hello Bella, this is Jane. You know, the one who's always poking needles into you and handing you the pee cups? How you doin' darlin'?"

She smiled wryly at the nurse's humor. Jane seemed to derive sadistic pleasure out of taking blood samples and otherwise causing pregnant patients pain. At least, that's what Bella thought.

"Hi Jane. I just started back to work this week. I'm having a hard time getting motivated and back into a routine. I feel so tired and limp."

"Limp? That doesn't sound good. You should talk to Dr. Hamilton about your moods. He might be able to prescribe something that'll help."

"Jane, is it normal to cry a lot? I mean, like crying for three hours straight during my soaps?"

"Crying is natural, but it doesn't have to be the norm. Bella, your body still thinks it's pregnant. It takes a while for your hormones to level out. Do you talk with your husband about how you're feeling? Post-partum depression affects hundreds of thousands of women each year, but you've got to make your partner aware of your symptoms and their implications."

PPD was a covered topic in her childbirth class, but Bella and Jacob spent more time learning "how to breathe". It sounded so scary; Bella read news stories about women with PPD who drowned their children or committed desperate acts. Was she amongst their ranks?

"So you think I have PPD?"

"No, Bella. I think we need to set you an appointment with Dr. Hamilton and you need to tell him everything you just told me. In fact, I've got homework for you: spend a little time thinking about questions you'd like to ask the doctor. Write them out and bring them in…December fifteenth?"

"Yeah, that's a good day for me. Do you have any morning appointments?" She jotted down the date in the telephone book's margin and absently fingered her wedding band suspended on a gold chain around her neck.

"I've got 10:40 open. Shall I mark you in?"

"Yes Jane, and thank you."

"You're very welcome Bella. See you in two weeks."

X-x-X

It was just after three PM when Bella turned into a choice spot in the Stop & Shop parking lot. She stayed inside her car for a few minutes and listened to NPR until the break. She flung her purse strap diagonally over her shoulder and torso, then got out of the car and locked it.

Her freshly-shaved legs felt smooth and wonderful even though they were covered in jeans. Her warm shower was rewarding and revitalized her. She took a few minutes to put on light makeup afterward, and the effect was transformational. Her eyes, no longer swollen, were artfully contoured in shades of apricot. She had on an appropriate amount of blush, and an attractive lip color. Bella was quite the swan.

She pushed a shopping cart over the supermarket's threshold and steered toward the bakery. A wave of warm air hit her so she removed her hat and gloves and unbuttoned her coat. She maneuvered systematically through the store with great purpose and followed her grocery list. _Frozen items always come last, _she mused.

In Aisle twenty-two, she scanned the frosty doors for the packages of frozen Niblets. She swung open the correct door when an avalanche of cut okra and broccoli rained down upon her from above. The Niblets package skid down to her feet.

"Shit, shit, shit !" she cursed out loud and bent over to pick up the corn.

"Here, let me get that for you."

She straightened up and saw a tall, handsome cashier extend his right arm to the place on the floor between her feet. She blushed crimson when she noticed his green eyes alight to her sweater and hardened nipples. She crossed her arms and wished she'd kept her coat closed. He averted his eyes and swept his hand over his mouth and scruffy chin.

"_Crap!_" he whispered under his breath.

"Thank you for picking up the corn." Bella cleared her throat and spoke again, "There was an avalanche in that freezer case." She took in his appearance and noticed that he lacked a name badge. He wore the requisite mustard-colored Stop & Shop polo shirt with chinos that looked like he'd slept in them- for a week.

The cashier gripped the frozen Niblets in his hand and still avoided eye contact. Embarrassment colored the tips of his ears, and his restless hands toggled between his five o' clock shadow and bed head. When his eyes finally met hers, it was with a glint of recognition. Nonetheless, he proceeded cautiously.

"You're welcome, Ma'am. You aren't hurt, are you? Sorry about the corn.- Wait, aren't you a manager here? Haven't I seen your picture on the break room wall?"

She rolled her eyes in pretend disgust. "Please, the operative words are _'used to be'_. I cut back my hours and now I'm just a working girl doing night shifts."

The cashier smiled boyishly at the her, his lower lip curled under his exposed teeth. He quirked an eyebrow, tossed the Niblets in to her cart and stuck his hand out,

"Nice to meet you Working Girl, I'm Edward."

"How do you do Edward? I'm Bella and I'm going to be late for my shift tonight unless I cash out now." she said with assurance and shook his outstretched palm.

"All right, I won't keep you then, _Bella,_" he said with a grin.

She felt her own grin creep up her lips. "See you around, _Edward_."

Edward had turned to walk away from her when he called over his shoulder, "Hey Bella? _See you around._"

X-x-X

She parked her Accord in the driveway of their little white Cape, then removed her ecologically-friendly shopping bags from her car's hatch and carried them to the back stoop. She let herself into the mudroom that adjoined the kitchen and let the bags slide from her shoulders to the floor, then deftly unbuttoned her wool coat and moved to put it away. As she did, she caught sight of her own reflection in the pub mirror near the closet door. She wore a cable-knit sweater in an unremarkable shade of powder blue. Two Christmases ago, her father's girlfriend Sue gave it to her. Its simple, tailored look appealed to her, but was too large to wear the first season. Now, post-pregnancy, her new curves filled out the soft merino.

She tugged at the sweater's hem and smoothed the fabric down her waist. The memory of the flustered young cashier returned. She thought of Edward's penetrating green eyes and felt her face warm. She quietly gasped when she saw her own face in the mirror.

She stared transfixed at her dilated pupils and pinky skin. Her flush maintained down her throat and to the edge of her sweater. As if she was in a dual pantomime, she watched her fingers find and stroke her exposed collarbone. They skipped over the small cable-knit to her bust's deep valley and felt the concealed gold band. Her palms cupped her breasts and with uninhibited sensuality, stroked her nipples with light circles and brought about their protrusion.

This is what _he _saw today.

The effect gave her a wanton look, like the Sweater Girls of her mother's era. She wasn't entirely displeased by the standup performance. Her novel appearance brought her a faint glimmer of desirability. The eight months prior cemented a poor self-image, especially hindered by pre-eclamptic swelling. She stared at her reflection for moments longer until she felt a ping in her left breast. A wet, dark circle appeared over her areola.

_Shit! _Apparently, she still produced milk. She left the grocery bags on the mudroom floor to change out of her wet sweater and bra and returned to the mudroom a few minutes later in a new bra with nursing pads and her bathrobe. Soon enough, she needed to change into her uniform.

She made quick work of her groceries, glanced at the microwave clock and decided to prepare a light meal before she dressed for work. She took out the French baguette and sliced a small hunk off the loaf. To this, she added tomato basil soup with fresh grated Asiago cheese. She leaned over the open dishwasher to find her favorite spoon when two hands landed on her bathrobe-covered ass.

"Oh my God, Jacob! You scared the hell out of me!"

"I wasn't trying to scare you, I promise. I just walked in the door and saw your adorable ass and I couldn't resist not touching it!" Amusement and something else colored her husband's face.

"I'm trying to eat a little dinner before I go to work tonight. You're welcome to join me."

Jacob smirked and took on a suggestive tone, "I can think of something I'd like more than food, honey. You're looking pretty delicious right now."

His arms circled her waist and he slowly ground his pelvis into her rear, his intent obvious. Her frame was rigid and did not yield to his nuzzles and strokes. She cleared her throat and spoke her mind.

"Jacob, I don't want to start this twenty minutes before I need to leave for work. I still have to eat, brush my teeth and get dressed before I go. We don't have time for sex now."

Jacob looked back at her with ill-hidden contempt. Dr. Hamilton had told them they could resume relations by now, but Bella still resisted. In a private conversation with the doctor, while Bella was still in the hospital, Dr. Hamilton warned Jacob that she might not be receptive to sexual advances for quite some time. He also reminded Jacob to show his wife affection and attention in other ways during this time when Bella's mind was otherwise occupied. Ever since her in-patient stay, Jacob had given his wife gentle massages and had taken to brushing her hair. His brushstrokes close to her scalp lulled her into a deep, organic sleep and tamed her tension. She had never returned the favor.

"Of course. I wouldn't want to make you late." Jacob turned on his heel and left the kitchen, presumably for his den.

Bella sat in the parked Accord for a minute longer than necessary and examined her face in the sun visor vanity. Satisfied with what she saw, she got out of the car.

_I wonder if Edward's still here,_ she mused. She let the thought slip away as she crossed the threshold. She slipped undetected into the hallway with the time-card machine, clocked in and threw her coat into a nearby locker as she pushed open the door to the sales floor.

"Bella! I'm glad I get to say good night to you before I leave." Maternal sweetness graced Esme's face.

"Oh, me too Esme," she replied. "Wait, I thought you were scheduled tonight?"

"Nope, I switched with Vicky. My son called and he's taking me out to eat tonight."

"Goodnight Mrs. W., goodnight _Miss Bella!"_

An excited chill ripped through her body as she whipped around to see Edward wave over his shoulder before he passed through the door she'd just exited. She hadn't missed him after all. Her eyes lingered on the office door for a few more seconds before Esme spoke to her again.

"So, I see you've met Edward. You'd think after all these years he'd call me Esme by now! He's always such a gentleman."

"Yes, I met him this afternoon."

The office door burst open again and Edward and another cashier walked out, their shifts completed. He stuck his cap on his head and winked at Bella before he left the building. She felt the stirrings of a nervous giggle and covered her mouth quickly.

"Looks like he's taken a fancy to you!"

Bella looked back to her friend in amused curiosity. Clearly, Esme knew Edward before he came to work at Stop & Shop. Perhaps she could ask her some questions before she had another bizarre run-in with the new cashier?

"How long has he worked here?"

"He started right about the time you left. He was looking for full-time work, but all we could offer him was part-time nights and let him pick-up some extra shifts here and there."

"Wait, he works _nights_?" she queried.

"Yup. He goes to school most days. Right now he's on Winter break, so I see a lot more of him."

"How, exactly do you know him?"

"Honey, he's Jasper's best friend! They were in pre-school together. Over the Summer, they both had jobs at the Apple store. When the new semester started, Apple dropped them like a bad habit. Jasper found an on-campus job, but Edward was having trouble. I helped him find the job here," Esme twittered.

"Esme, how old is Edward?" She had a sinking feeling in her gut that she wouldn't like Esme's answer.

"He turned nineteen in June, the month before Jasper."

That was _definitely _not what she wanted to hear.

* * *

**End Notes**:

**NPR -** _National Public Radio_

_Thank you for reading!_ I know that this story is read internationally and I'd love to hear where you're from. I appreciate reader response and I make every effort to answer back. (Tell me where you heard about TWW, too!)

**The Fandom Gives Back - **The vast majority of Twilight fanfic readers are probably aware of the Twifandom-wide philanthropic effort also known as **FGB**. I am considering putting up TWW outtake up for the June auction. There is still much time before **FGB Eclipse Edition**, but I'd like to know if my readers might be interested in my lot. Would you donate to **Alex's Lemonade Stand **for the outtake of your choice?

Look for me on the **TWW thread**! www(dot)twilighted(dot)net(slash)forum(slash)?f=44&t=9220&start=0


	4. Eye In The Sky

Eye In The Sky

**A/N:** Thank you to my super beta, **_Irritable Grizzzly_**, for her fastidious editing and helping me to become a better writer. Special thanks to my pre-readers **_farkle_ **and **_froz3n charlotte _**for encouragement and honest opinions.

Thank you to _**Rose Arcadia **_**(The Blinkie Goddess)**who made TWW a beautiful blinkie, banner and started a thread over at the Twilighted forum! Check my profile for the links. :)

Thank you to **_Gossip-Bangkok _**for the wonderful review on Rose's blog. Mille grazie!

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

"He turned nineteen in June, a month before Jasper."

"Quit salivating cougars; the man-meat has left the building." An unfamiliar ginger-haired cashier joined their sphere upon Esme's exit. She appeared to be a few years older than Bella and looked on the scene contemptibly until her gaze landed on an unapologetic Shelly.

"Hey Vicky!" Shelly said, There's no shame in looking! You can call me a cougar all you like, hon, but pretty pictures are all I've got to keep me warm at night. At least you've got a husband."

Victoria rolled her eyes and pursed her lips in amusement. "So Cougar, are you having that _toy party_ this year?"

Shelly smacked Victoria's forehead with her palm and plopped her purse on the edge of the service counter. "Oh damn! I totally forgot about that. I'll have to plan it for January, right after inventory. I'll make Margaritas. Vicky, would you bring that caramel popcorn again? I want the recipe! Bella, are you in?"

Bella froze in place. She was certain that her face betrayed her embarrassment. Still, she knew that her reaction was critical. She pushed away her discomfort in an effort to connect with her co-workers.

"Give me the where and when and I'll bring the guac," she said nonchalantly.

"Now _that's_ what I like to hear!" Shelly shook her keys in appreciation and turned on her heel.

Vicky popped her knuckles and chuckled softly. "Shelly's such a riot. I'm glad you're going to the party even though you looked like you wanted to back out."

The crinkles around Vicky's blue eyes made her smile even brighter. She discarded a paperback onto the counter and extended her right hand that had freckles which ran the length of her arm. Her grip was firm and confident.

"I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Vicky Tanner; my checkout is closest to the Service Desk."

"I'm Bella Black. It's nice to meet you." She pointed at Vicky's copy of _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_. "So, how's that book? I adore Jane Austen but I have a hard time imagining a supernatural adaptation."

"You'll just have to borrow it after I'm done." She stuck out her tongue and grinned wickedly.

The two women chatted the rest of the night from their nearby stations during the slow times. By ten-fifteen Vicky was out from behind her register, her back leaning against the wrapstand. The two had an animated discussion about Days of Our Lives, Jane Austen and the undeniable virtues of Chunky Monkey.

"...So every spring we take the pilgrimage up to Vermont on Cone Day," Vicky said, referring to her husband James and their three school-aged children.

"Wait, I think I missed something. What's there to do in Vermont in March?" Bella asked.

Vicky's eyes widened and she looked at her new friend in mock horror. "You call yourself a _Ben & Jerry's_ lover and you haven't been to the shrine? The factory is in Waterbury, Vermont and they give tours. We brought Bree for her sixth grade science report a few years ago and I keep making up new excuses to go back. Once a year they have a free cone day. You and your husband should take the drive with us."

Bella shook her head and thumbed the laminated tabs on her register's key-code guide. "I doubt Jacob would want to come. When he has free time he likes to spend it fishing or watching sports."

"Bella, he can't spend _all_ his time fishing. The water freezes in the winter," the cashier argued.

"He goes ice fishing in a shanty on Lake Congamond."

Vicky's snort erupted into a guffaw. "Christ, they're fishsicles!" she shouted and resumed an inappropriate gigglefit. When she was finished, she wiped runny mascara off her face with the back of her hand.

"Fine, leave the Chubby Hubby at home and bring that little hottie instead."

"Vicky, has anyone ever told you what a terrible influence you are to the sanctity of marriage?"

"Yes, frequently. But in my own defense, I never said that you should take him to bed. Just take him sightseeing. Have fun!" She batted her eyes innocently and threw the "Register Closed" sign onto the conveyor belt.

Bella paused and internalized her emotions before she spoke. "I don't know how to be casual with people. It's just not in my makeup. I've never even had close girlfriends before."

"You don't give yourself enough credit Bella. You and I have been prattling away for four and a half hours. You're just coming out of your shell."

"That's one of the nicest things anybody's said to me all week."

"Hang in there, kiddo. Promise me you'll look before you leap. I'll save you my drama, but trust me when I say that having a successful marriage takes a lot of effort."

Bella knew that somewhere underneath those words hid a story, but instead of prying, she just nodded politely.

XxXxX

Thursday and Friday passed by unremarkably, except for furtive glances from Edward when he thought no one was watching. The few times he attempted to approach her desk under the guise of "needing change" Emmett appeared out of thin air and performed the deed himself. Thwarted, he dragged his hand through his hair and rubbed the prickles of his beard. At one point Bella caught sight of him mid-swear through the lone video monitor on the cigarette wall. She bit back a smile when Emmett tossed the cash bag on her counter.

"I need change."

Bella proceeded with the task perfunctorily and avoided eye contact with Emmett. As she placed the bills and rolled coins into the bag, he took the pouch from her and zipped it, then leaned over the counter conspiratorially.

"Do you see that guy on register three? He's been watching you, but I'm watching him. Just an F.Y.I., I take care of my peeps, 'kay?"

She sighed and made no attempt to hide her annoyance. "Come on now! I'm a big girl, Emmett. Why don't you cut the crap and go bust those kids lifting candy bars and lighters at register six?" She pointed in the direction of two shifty-eyed girls who wore oversized black hoodies decorated with multiple safety pins.

He looked over at the girls whose hands were stuffed deep into their pockets as they shuffled toward the closest exit. He turned back to Bella with a pained expression.

"Take this back to register three for me." He returned the cash bag to her and scurried off in pursuit of the thieves. His Red Sox cap was barely distinguishable through the glass of the exit door.

"Hey, Jessica? I've got to run this change over to register three. I'll be right back."

Jessica looked up absently from her Harper's Bazaar and twirled her finger in the air as if to say, "Shut up and leave already!" Bella let herself out of the two doors that separated her counter from the sales floor and sauntered toward the young cashier.

"If you want cash back Ma'am, you need to first accept the sales total, and then wait till it prompts you for cash back and the dollar amount."

A grey-haired woman in her late seventies held her bank card in hand and looked up at the cashier. Edward saw the customer's confusion and smiled compassionately. He moved to offer the woman assistance.

"May I?"

Bella watched silently as Edward gave an abbreviated point of sale tutorial to the woman likely his own grandmother's age. He was courteous and never patronizing. To the growing crowd behind, he threw another smile and wave. Miraculously, they stood patiently in line. When he completed the transaction, Bella advanced to his register.

"Hi, Edward. I have that change for you."

Edward's ears perked up at the sound of her voice. When he saw the bag in her hand, he stepped backward into the aisle and allowed her register access. His earlier smile was nothing compared to this one that advertised the aftermath of excellent orthodontia.

She quickly deposited the funds into the till and drew receipt tape from the printer. She started to thank him, but he interrupted her with his own thanks. She tuned out his words and focused on the soft green of his eyes, which spoke volumes more than his voice. A discreet throat-clearing from a customer in line halted her momentary daydream.

"You're all set," her voice sounded breathy and her stomach was in knots. The feeling was unfamiliar, but not altogether unwelcome. She willed herself to look away, even when she felt his stare.

Grown-up women don't fall for college boys. Your bed is made and there you should lie.

"I've been waiting for a break all night to come and talk with you!" hailed a feminine voice. Vicky's black twill pants made a slight swishing noise as she moved to catch up with Bella. She grinned and waved a familiar-looking paperback in the space between them.

"I'm on chapter fifty-three and I'll finish it on my day off. Are you working Sunday? I'm working the early and can bring it to you then."

Bella shook her head. "I guess _Zombies_ will have to wait. I work tomorrow then not again until Tuesday."

"Where do you live? If it's not too far, I could leave it on your porch." Vicky took a long swig from her Poland Springs bottle.

"I live here in town, on Talcott."

Vicky abruptly stopped drinking her water and sputtered, "Oh my God! We're practically neighbors! I live two streets away, off Route 20."

"Tanner, Black! Are you off the clock?" Emmett growled from the nearby CoinStar machine. A sweaty scowl replaced his usual jovial disposition. He hadn't caught the suspects. His haggard expression betrayed his defeat.

Bella turned away from her friend and addressed him, "I'm headed back to the counter now."

Vicky shuffled away to her register and muttered something that sounded like "_Prick_" and flashed him a scornful look over her shoulder. With pushed up sleeves, she flicked on the lane light above her station.

Emmett rolled his eyes at Vicky's display then looked down to his wristwatch. "It's just over an hour till close. You're still on company time – be useful."

Bella nodded in compliance but couldn't help the trifling feeling that came from the reprimand. Truly, she understood the importance of worker productivity even during downtime. As a manager, she was vigilant and vocal about just this sort of thing. Tonight, however, logic lost to emotion. Her throat tightened and tears welled in her eyes.

She returned to the service desk, pressed her hands to her eyes and slumped to her knees below the counter. She hunched over and her back bounced with small sobs. At the sound of her crying, Jessica put down the magazine and then saw her on the floor.

"Oh my God, are you okay? Do you need some Kleenex?"

Bella managed to grab a small box of rough facial tissues from the shelf closest to her. She held it up wordlessly then hiccoughed into her sleeve. Jessica pushed a metal trashcan toward her and stepped back.

"You're not going to throw up, right? I can't watch people throw up without barfing too."

Bella dabbed her eyes and strained to listen to the sounds of the sales floor. The earlier throngs of shoppers had quieted to a dull thrum. She rose from her crouch and faced her.

"Jessica, that's insane. Do you actually think I'd to throw up just because I'm crying?"

Jessica looked at her with confusion. "Well, Marisol does, so I thought... Oh shit! You're not, I mean, I forgot! I'm sooo sorry Bella. Shit!" Her curls trembled in time with her awkward apology.

In an instant, realization struck that Marisol Crowley was six months pregnant with her first child. Early on, the two women had shared ultrasound pictures and held the distinction of being the only two pregnant store associates that year. Marisol had since resigned her company position and became a full-time homemaker in a Connecticut suburb. She and her husband Tyler expected their baby son in early March.

"Jess, do me a favor and don't speak the rest of the night."

X-x-X

After a fitful night of sleep, Saturday finally rolled in. Bella replayed Jessica's words from the night before over again. She waged an internal war over her contempt for Marisol's healthy pregnancy and all new mothers in abstract. She had not expected to feel this way, but her longing for her lost child made it nearly impossible to share in another's baby joy. Baneful little thoughts darted through her consciousness and attempted to nest.

She jumped into her work uniform and skipped breakfast altogether. When she was ready to leave, she stopped to bid her husband farewell. Jacob was still huddled underneath the snowmen-print sheets, but he stirred and pulled her into a hug.

"Are you leaving already?"

"Morning shift. I'll be back home in the afternoon."

"Would you mind picking up some snacks from the store on your way home? Seth is coming over tonight for the game."

"I can do that." She kissed him and quietly left the room, then walked downstairs and picked up her purse. She paused in front of a window and saw the cold, rainy street outside. Even in the early-morning darkness, she could see the steam that ascended from the storm drains. She donned her hat and gloves and prepared for the chill of a December New England morning.

X-x-X

Her morning went by rapidly, thanks to Dunkin' Donuts coffee and an RTV task. There were no customers at her counter and Bella was so immersed in dented cans and duplicate labels that she didn't hear Shelly approach, and jumped when she spoke..

"Go to lunch, hon. I'll cover your break."

"Thanks Shelly! Let me just remove my till and I'll be out of here."

She removed the change drawer from the register and secured it in the office, then waved to Shelly and headed for the time clock. About halfway there, she felt a presence behind her and it grew steadily closer. She looked over her shoulder and saw Edward's lean form as he caught up to her.

"Bella, hi. Are you going to lunch now? I was just wondering 'cause I'm going and thought maybe you'd join me in the break room?" he said too fast.

She turned to address him when she noticed a change in his appearance. Gone were the wrinkled chinos and shirt and in their place were pressed black slacks and a long-sleeved polo shirt. He wore the company apron with his "Edward" name badge affixed over his right pectoral. The most outstanding change was his clean-shaven face. He looked...nice.

"I have to buy my lunch from the deli today, but I'll come back and join you, okay?" A surge of adrenaline rushed through her body and left her arms and legs a-jitter. She held out her swipe card and bade him to go first.

He raked his fingers through his bronze mop and smiled so that his incisors peeked over his lip. "Yeah? Okay, I'll walk with you to the deli." He shivered indiscernibly when her fingers grazed his knuckles at the time clock.

Together they left the confines of the hallway for the sales floor. No one looked up from their work to see them walk past. No one heard the clamor of her pulse or his staggered breath has his eyes appreciated her hip movement. If others were attuned to the electric flux between the pair, there was no such indication.

Irina stood only inches above the deli refrigerator cases in her polyethylene gloves and a lunch-lady hairnet covered her grey chignon. She squinted expectantly at Bella.

"Vhat can I help you veeth?"

"The special please, on wheat," she said distracted by Edward who was picking through the drink cooler. He held up two bottled soft drinks and she nodded at his choices.

"Do you vant peekuls on side?"

"No thanks."

Irina finished wrapping the roast beef sandwich when Edward took it from the counter before Bella could protest.

"This is my treat."

While his charming smile disarmed her, the artless nature of his generosity was her undoing. She could tell that he liked her, without pretense and he left her with a warm and tingly feeling that almost made her forget that she belonged to another.

"No, I shouldn't."

Almost.

"I insist! Granted it's not a gourmet meal, but I was hoping that you'd like me for my witty personality, not my bank account," he said chuckling. He tucked her lunch under his elbow along with the bottles and some pre-packaged deli fare, presumably for himself. He walked in the direction of the employee check-out lane and stopped.

"You go on. I'll catch up with you in a second."

She entered the break room alone and scanned it. Aro and Marcus sat in a corner and played a serious game of chess. Kate and Heidi, two pretty college girls. Compared apps on their iPhones and ate vending machine candy. Eric sat alone at a table near the door s spooning vegetable soup out of a plaid thermos container and drinking his strawberry milk with a straw. She found an empty table near the refrigerator and sat down.

Minutes ticked by and Edward still hadn't arrived. She looked at the clock and counted the fourteen minutes of lunch break she had left. She was about to leave in search of him when he appeared at the door and mouthed, "Sorry!" to her.

"I was beginning to think that you skipped out on me."

"I'd never do that to you! It's just that Emmett cornered me at the register."

"Eat now, talk later. I've got to be back on the floor in ten." Hungrily, she tore into her sandwich and Edward did the same.

When they were finished, Edward smiled at her and said, "I like this. You're easy company."

"We've barely spoken two sentences since you came in. I'm hardly a winning conversationalist." She stood up from the table with her trash.

"Here, let me take that," he urged and took the styrofoam container. "You know, _I do_ enjoy a quiet lunch break. I spend all day talking to blue-haired grandmas. By the end of the day, my voice is raw and my feet are killing me. I appreciate this," he gesticulated between them, "much more than you know."

Bella colored at the sincerity of his words. She wanted to tell him that he was adorable and chivalrous. Like a fresh battery, he had energized her. But the gold band resting against her heart was a cold and heavy reminder of her previous commitment.

"You're welcome, Edward. It's nice to make a new friend in the store."

Edward's smile narrowed almost imperceptibly. He heard her say the six-letter "f" word, which was never a good sign with women. He decided to clarify his feelings.

"I think you know that I'd like to be a lot closer to you than a friend . I haven't stopped thinking about you since that day in the frozen food aisle."

He rose and threw away their trash.

"Walk back with me?"

They hurried along the corridor. A half-dozen other store associates passed them along the way. Once they each swiped their time card, Edward took her hand and pressed his cell phone into her palm.

"Will you give me your number?" he asked and deliberately stroked her thumb.

Her breath caught at the unexpected sensation. She bit her lip and examined the small phone in her grasp. She drew it close and typed-in her cell number while his fingers remained connected with hers. When she was done, she looked into his eyes and felt utterly naked.

"Thank you, beautiful." He touched his lips to her temple and her eyes fluttered closed. All too soon he broke contact and walked away.

_The pleasure was mine._

* * *

**Endnotes: RTV – In retail, **_**Returns To Vendor**_**.**

**Hello Readers! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my story. Who knows, _maybe we'll break 70 reviews with this chapter? _(Here's hoping!) I love responding to all of you. Special shouts to Kalimando, Midnite Seranade, twilightgirl 337, ms-ambrosia, o0fefe0o and to everyone who visits the thread or Twitter. You can find me on Twitter (at)jeneffleurage. Thank you for your recent TWW pimpage! (Kalimando on A Different Forrest & Pearl421 on Twitter)**

**Twilighted Thread: http://www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=44&t=9220&start=0 Remove the spaces, surrounding "dot".**


	5. The Shadows of the Night

**A/N**: Long A/N, sorry! First of all, I want to thank all of you for sticking with me. RL has kept me from the fandom the past few months. I'm house-hunting - AGAIN. This chapter was originally attached to another. My beta and I decided that it was best to post the first part separately as an outtake. It posted during Eclipse craziness, so if you missed it, you can read it here: .net/s/6086695/1/This_Womans_Work_Extras_Outtakes Put me on author alert so you won't miss updates.

Thank you to my super beta, _**Irritable Grizzzly**_, for her fastidious editing and helping me to become a better writer. Special thanks to my pre-readers _**farkle **_and _**froz3n charlotte **_for encouragement and honest opinions. Thank you for all your help with the Esme/Bella convo!

Thank you to _**Rose Arcadia **_**(The Blinkie Goddess)**who made TWW a beautiful blinkie, banner and started a thread over at the Twilighted forum! Check my profile for the links. :)

Thank you to _**Gossip-Bangkok **_for the wonderful review on Rose's blog. Mille grazie!

Thank you to _**(a)cherieblossom**_ on Twitter for conceptualizing Bella's party dress. Thank God for fashionistas, 'cuz I'm not one of them!

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**The Shadows of the Night**

Bella sat curled up on her living room sofa with all the shades drawn. Tucked into the soft fleece of a Snuggie, sleep both tantalized and eluded her. The TV played NBC's Today Show, but her mind wandered elsewhere.

Edward texted her last night at the end of his shift. Jacob was home watching a game in the living room when her phone buzzed. She snatched it from its charging station in the kitchen with guilty anticipation.

"Leaving work now. Want 2 meet up tonight?"

Her heart thundered in her chest. _What was I thinking? I couldn't actually leave the house without alarming Jacob! _Yesterday's lunch and Edward's deliberate words taunted her memory,

"_I think you know that I'd like to be a lot closer to you than a friend should be."_

She rubbed her forehead and concentrated on a reply.

"_Sorry. I can't go out 2nite."_

"_I'm sorry too. Talk to you later?"_

She'd just hit send on an affirmative response when Jacob came through the doorway with a large bowl with some unpopped kernels at the bottom.

"Hey. Half-time snack break. Want a beer? I bought home some I.P.A. yesterday." He smiled and opened the refrigerator.

"Here," he said and tossed her the bottle. "So, how've you been lately? Is work going okay?"

She took a couple of gulps before answering him.

"I cried at work the other day. It was stupid, but once I started, the floodgates opened." She swallowed and felt emotion welling at the base of her throat.

"What happened? Did someone hurt you?" he asked concernedly.

"No! Nobody hurt me. It was just, stupid… I got yelled at by the store detective for chit-chatting while on the clock."

"_You_, of all people, got yelled at for talking at work? Lordy, lordy!"

She reached for the nearby dishtowel and swatted him playfully. He dodged it and caressed her arm soothingly.

"You know what I mean! What happened to Isabella Swan Black, business school ball-buster?"

"You know, Jake, I've been asking myself that question lately. I don't feel like the same person anymore. I'm not driven anymore. I'm moody - just different."

"Honey, you need a vacation. We could probably swing a trip to Jacksonville around New Year's."

_I need something now, _she thought.

"The game is starting up again and I've still gotta use the bathroom. Think about what I said. Call your mom and find out what she has planned in January. I can probably get vacation coverage for a week." He kissed her cheek and left her to ponder.

Admittedly, a week in Florida sounded fabulous. But spending a week in her mother's presence conjured an entirely different feeling of defeat and despair. These days, she avoided her calls. Renee provoked her temper effortlessly. From what Bella saw, most adult mother-daughter relationships were tempestuous. She imagined telling her mother about her encounter with Jessica and how apprehensive she felt going to Marisol's baby shower in February.

"_You shouldn't dread it. Don't go with a bleeding heart if you can't be happy for her. Just mail her a Babies R' Us gift card and be done with it."_

Bella nursed her beer for a few more minutes, letting the bitter hoppy flavor wash her mouth.

"Jake?" she called, and waited.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to bed. Don't fall asleep downstairs, 'kay?"

He chuckled and murmured something that sounded like, "Sure, sure."

X-x-X

In the morning, bathed in the television's blue glow, she ruminated over the prospect of encountering mothers and their young children. In fact, they were nearly impossible to avoid at the supermarket. Her night hours provided some shelter. Pregnant women, their bellies swollen with life, had no concept of what empty arms felt like. She wanted to smack the happy oblivion off of their faces, and school them on the horror of losing a child. - _But not really. _Their babies deserved to live and be cherished.

The aroma of Arabica wafted from the kitchen. Jacob had brewed a fresh pot this morning before work. Her nerves craved the coffee, but her feet stubbornly protested, secure in their fleecy pocket. Once her bladder weighed in on the argument, need won over coziness, anyway.

Returning from the bathroom, she poured herself a cup and was jolted by her doorbell's loud chime. She looked at the clock.

_8:17 AM. Who the hell would be coming over at this hour?_

She left the coffee on the counter and gathered the pseudo-blanket around her. Careful not to trip, she waddled to the peephole at her front door. A flame of ginger hair peaked from under a faded New England Patriots cap. Vicky's perky morning face smiled unabashedly through the glass. Bella groaned and unlocked the door.

"Good morning, Sunshine! I brought _Zombies _and Dunkin' Donuts. I didn't know if you were a donut person or a bagel person, so I brought you both. Here, take them! I already ate breakfast," Vicky jabbered under the influence of caffeine.

She took the paper bag and opened the door wide, permitting Vicky to enter.

"Do you mind telling me how you know where I live?"

"Bella, you told me last week you lived on Talcott! It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure notice that the same car you drive to work is in the driveway here. Do you want me to leave?"

"No, of course not. I'm just very private and you're the first person from work to come visit. Don't take it wrong - I'm happy to see you, just…surprised."

"You've _never _had anyone over from work? _Come on, _you've been working at Stop & Shop for a decade!" Vicky looked at her to see if she was joking. Bella hung her head in obvious embarrassment.

"Oh my God, you're serious! _Why? _You've got such a cute little house and it's in-town, too," Vicky demanded.

"No, it's not like that. I told you the day we met that I don't know how to make new friends easily. This is all new to me."

"Well, if that's all, maybe _you _should host the next Toy Party!" she said mischievously as she fiddled with her cap.

"Coffee or tea, Vicky?"

"I'll take anything decaf, if you've got it. I used up today's caffeine quota getting the kids off to school. _'Ah have measured out mah life with coffee spoons,'_" she proclaimed, sounding a little like Paula Deen.

Bella scanned her cupboard shelves, and spotted a box of her favorite herbal tea and waved it at Vicky.

"Is this OK?"

Vicky nodded and Bella set about making the tea. The little cardboard tea box was covered with charming verses and quotations.

"_God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can change; and Wisdom to know the difference." - Reinhold Niebuhr. _

She mused; _oughtta clip that one and stick it on the fridge_.

"You know Vicky, I keep thinking about Emmett yelling at us the other day. I just don't get it - where did that come from?"

She snorted and shook her head. "No, it's not about you, don't worry. Emmett likes to take every opportunity to knock me down – As if_ he_ was golden!"

Bella's confusion registered on her face. Vicky tried unsuccessfully to convey her meaning through various facial expressions. Finally, she waggled her ring finger and apparently broke through Bella's befuddlement.

"Oh!"

"Yeah, he disapproves of me, in general. My own husband has forgiven my indiscretions - _thank you very much,_ while Detective Boy treats me like some infamous libertine! He's such a little shit!"

_Well, that's awkward!_

She cleared her throat then offered, "He really has no right to pass judgment…"

"Damn straight!" Vicky agreed, "Hey listen to me talk about myself. How about you? Are you going to the holiday party?"

"Probably," she answered, wiping her lips of cream cheese and bagel crumbs.

"Good. You can sit with me and the girls."

"Oh. OK, thanks."

"Babe, you don't have to sit with us if you've got other plans. Oh my God! Did Edward ask you to go with him?" Vicky practically lurched herself across the table.

"No, of course not! I'm married and way too old for him."

Vicky squinted at her in disbelief. "I don't think _he _knows that Bella. He cornered me yesterday, asking if you were going to the party."

Bella's eyes widened. "Bullshit!"

"I kid you not. That boy's got it _bad _for you. Don't lead him on, unless it's going to lead him somewhere. He's a sweet kid."

Her cheeks felt aflame and she knew she looked like a foolish schoolgirl. She wanted to deny it, but Vicky saw right through her.

"I'm not trying to lead him on."

"Yeah, Babe. You ain't doin' much to stop it either. Look, if he's what you want, _what you really want, _I'll be your biggest supporter. -But are you really willing to give up your marriage for a nineteen-year-old?"

"Ugh! I can't believe I'm having this conversation. Honestly, I haven't given it a lot of thought. At first, I thought he was just being cordial…but now, I think it's something more."

"If you think having this conversation with me is uncomfortable, you should really be having it with Edward," Vicky intoned seriously.

"You know, you're absolutely right. I _do_need to have a serious conversation with Edward." Just saying his name aloud gave her a shiver. Her conscience bubbled in consternation at the thought of telling the young man that she couldn't see him, and why she _shouldn't _see him. She pictured his distinctive green eyes turn dark, his jaw set hard in anger while she told him _"I can't"._

After Vicky left, she lazed about the living room. By three o'clock, she retired to her room taking _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies _and her mobile phone with her. She fell asleep three pages into the first chapter. At five PM, an incoming text message jarred her slumber.

"Work's not the same without you here."

Bella sat up and rubbed her eyes. She texted back something vague and slightly flirty, then waited. Moments later, her phone rang. Terrified, she stared at it like an unexploded bomb. Finally, she picked it up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

Edward's honeyed voice dripped through the receiver, "Mmm, that's much better. Hello, yourself."

Bella's stomach flip-flopped, but she swallowed her fear. "How's work?"

"Fine. I got here a little early. My last class finished at four, and I didn't feel like staying on campus for an hour."

"Is that so?"

"Well, if I'm being honest, I was really hoping you'd be working tonight."

Bella's heart softened and melted. She told him that she would be working the next four nights, and then had Saturday off.

"You do? I mean, you have Saturday night _off_?" His awkwardness was adorable.

She decided to bite the bullet. "Vicky, Shelly, Esme and I are meeting up at the Sheraton that night. Are you going?" she asked with bated breath.

He gave a nervous chuckle. "I _just _took a closing shift that night. I wasn't sure…I didn't know if I should go."

Bella was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Before she had time to think about it, she heard herself say, "Oh well, maybe Marcus will let you leave early that night. The party ends at eleven." _Idiot! You don't know when to shut up!_

"I'll try."

"Edward, I think we need to talk."

"Isn't that what we're doing now?"

"No, I mean face-to-face. I need to…_we _need to be on the same pa-," her voice broke. _Oh shit!_ Jacob called her name from downstairs. She stood up too quickly from the bed and got a head rush.

"Bella, you still there?" Edward said, sounding alarmed.

"_Bella?" _Jacob yelled, followed by the sound of footsteps on the stairs.

"I've gotta go now," she whispered in a panic and ended the call. With no time to turn it off, she shoved the phone into her lingerie drawer, hoping it would muffle any sound. Jacob was almost to their bedroom door. Bella grabbed for the doorknob, but was met with resistance as Jake turned the knob simultaneously.

"Jacob!"

He stood menacingly in the doorway, gripping his baseball bat, ready to attack an intruder. His expression changed to one of concern as soon as he saw her. He let the bat slip from his grip and opened his arms to embrace her.

X-x-X

The next four days, Jacob was especially thoughtful and attentive. He had wanted to take her on a dinner date the night of the holiday party, but backed down when she told him her plans. Tuesday, he came home from work with a gas-powered snow thrower, a Christmas present for Charlie. On Thursday night, Bella came home from work and discovered a hot casserole dish full of lasagna with a note attached:

_You've been working really hard. I wanted to make you a nice hot meal to come home to._

_Love, Jake_

She felt her loyalty tested. For better or worse, she had committed to Jacob. The past two years had been trying; they had tabled their discussions about separation when they found out about the pregnancy. Still, temptation waited on the sidelines.

At work, Emmett watched over her like a bulldog. Vicky stayed away because she knew better. Edward was forced to stay away too, but Bella knew he was itching to speak with her alone. At the end of each shift, she managed to slip away before he caught up with her.

Saturday morning, Bella threw herself into cleaning house. When Jacob found her bent over, scrubbing tile grout with a toothbrush, he recognized her brand of distraction. Whenever she needed time to think, Bella pushed up her sleeves and tackled some of the more heinous household chores.

Scruples churned in her brain and twisted her stomach into knots. She put her nervous energy to good use with vacuum, bleach and brush. Tonight was the holiday party and she had good reason to believe that Edward would show up.

Vicky's advice rang in her ears, _"Don't lead him on, unless it's going to lead him somewhere."_ She needed to tell Edward she was married and nothing could come of their relationship; _nothing would_. God help her if he asked questions. _Why wasn't she honest with him?_ Denial. _Couldn't she feel the chemistry?_ Oh yeah. _Was she attracted to him?_ Hell, yes. _Are you happily married?_

Well, no…actually. Perhaps bleach fumes clouded her mind from sound reason, but she could not acknowledge being happily married. Jacob found his place in her life when she was a student, eager to make her mark on the world. He had encouraged her ambition, brought companionship to her solitary existence, and given her his name and a home. In turn, she gave him a new lease on life, brought about their fathers' friendship and her feminine presence, missing since his mother died. They had been good together, for a time. Now the sex was uninspired, obligatory. Two years into their marriage, their disagreements turned into larger quarrels and they spent more time avoiding each other than not. The elephant in the room grew bigger over the holidays.

X-x-X

Charlie Swan joined the Blacks at Jacob's father's house every Christmas. Last year, Charlie took both of them aside after dessert.

"Listen kids, I don't mean to pry, but Billy and I have noticed that you two are barely talking to each other."

Jacob started to protest, but Bella just shook her head. _If it was this obvious to their fathers, why couldn't they see it?_

"I would have thought you'd be starting a family by now, but maybe that's not in the cards…"

They looked at Charlie, and then at each other. Jacob couldn't help his small smile. It was no secret that Jacob wanted children and a wife to nurture their brood like his mother had done. Bella's work ambitions had put the subject on indefinite hold. She wanted to achieve rank before relinquishing her career for motherhood. As General Merchandise manager, she had risen to this goal, yet pregnancy seemed distant.

Jacob picked up her hand and began rubbing her knuckles.

"I've been thinking that too. You'd make a glorious mother, Bella," he said softly.

She was at a loss for words and just smiled tightly at the two of them. There was so much more that she wanted to do, so much more that she wanted to become…Could she find a balance between motherhood and career?

"Let's talk about this when we get home, 'kay?" she said evenly.

So they went home and talked about babies. Thoughts about little people, small and completely dependent, infiltrated her heart. She and Jacob talked more than they had in the prior six months. Of course, _talking _led to _doing_…The early hours before dawn, in post-coital bliss, they stayed up talking until they fell asleep mid-sentence. The prospect of having a baby together brought them together, closer than ever.

When Dr. Hamilton confirmed her pregnancy, they were elated. Charlie and Billy treated them to a special dinner at Louie B's and Renee crocheted a pair of baby booties for Bella's "first" Mother's Day present. The elephant hadn't left the room, but it couldn't be seen for The Baby.

X-x-X

She was finished cleaning, save vacuuming the downstairs. Taking a lunch break, she dialed Vicky's number while she heated up leftovers.

"Hi Vicky, it's Bella."

"I'm glad you called! I'm just dropping the kids off for swim team practice."

"I wanted to find out what time you wanted to meet at the Sheraton."

"About that…this is like one of two times a year that I get totally plastered."

She shifted the receiver when the microwave beeped. "Oh, do you need a ride?"

"No, no! Esme is going to be our DD. Do you want in?"

Bella couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten drunk. _Maybe as an undergrad?_

Without deliberation, she accepted the offer. It was the perfect solution: the insurance she needed to stay at arm's-length from Edward. All she required now was a little liquid courage to face him…_if he showed._

x-x-x

At five-thirty Esme's Buick Lucerne pulled into her driveway just as Jacob left for Seth's house. Esme complimented her attire, a high-neck silk crepe shift with a red bowed sash. She climbed into the backseat next to Vicky and let Shelly draw her into a conversation about baby-back ribs. The drive took less than twenty minutes. They arrived early for cocktails and waited at the bar for more co-workers to pour through the double doors.

By six-fifteen, most of the day-shift workers had arrived. Tyler and Marisol Crowley paraded through the crowd with glowing faces. People from every part of the room approached to congratulate the expectant couple. Bella felt nauseated and excused herself to the ladies' lounge.

Once inside, she threw herself on the furthest chaise in the corner. She took liberal amounts of tissues from the box to her right and buried her face in them. A couple of minutes later, the lounge door opened again. Esme Whitlock walked in and stood in front of her.

"Is it OK for me to sit? There's something that I've been wanting to tell you for a while; something personal," Esme said carefully.

She gestured for Esme to sit and bundled her used tissues on her lap.

"When I was twenty-four, I married my college sweetheart. We were young and idealistic and had hoped to start growing our family right away."

Bella placed a comforting hand over Esme's.

"For three years we tried unsuccessfully to conceive. After a while, I felt so hopeless that I'd cry every time I got my period. We wanted a baby so much, and I felt God was punishing me for having pre-marital sex."

Bella listened to the story with tears in her eyes. Esme gave her a consoling smile.

"After three years of trying, I finally became pregnant."

"With Jasper, right?" she asked.

"_No_, his name was Peter, my angel baby. This was a decade before Jasper."

It finally dawned on her. _She lost a baby._

"Peter was born premature. He only lived a few weeks. I was so angry with my doctors. They couldn't tell me definitively why it happened and they wouldn't perform tests! Excuse me. I still get worked up."

"What did you do?"

"I became a recluse for about a month before my mother put me on an Amtrak bound for Columbus. I was about as low as a person could get and still have a pulse. I stayed with my parents for almost three months before Chip dragged me back home.

"We almost didn't make it, Chip and me. _I thought _he blamed me for Peter's death. He thought I hated him. We were grieving behind separate walls instead of communicating. Ultimately, our pastor helped bring us back together. We found the will to live beyond our grief."

There was a lull. Esme sat quietly and looked at her hands. Bella took this as her cue to share.

"Logically, I know it's not anyone's fault. But I've spent so much time blaming the hospital, my doctors, Jake, even myself. I feel like a big ball of hate," she said and burst into laughter after hearing herself.

"It's ridiculous, isn't it?"

"No, hon. There's nothing ridiculous about it. You're angry and it's good to talk about it. _Anytime_ you want to talk about it Bella, I'm ready to listen."

Bella nodded and thanked her with a warm embrace. She never expected such a story from Esme. Something had changed between her and Vicky, and now Esme. In a short time, the co-worker dynamic had shifted into one of trust and friendship. They left the lounge and rejoined their party as dinner was about to be served.

Their foursome was seated at a table for six when Vicky flagged over a hesitant Irina, who had been looking for a seat. Bella smiled across the table at the gold-toothed crone and was pleased to note that the Crowleys sat far out of her vision.

The DJ at the front of the room took requests during dessert. ABBA's _Under Attack _streamed through the speakers and Bella amusedly wondered who made such an oddball request. From time to time as the night wore on, she looked to the doorway leading to the lobby. Edward hadn't shown, to her relief.

As if reading her thoughts, Vicky whispered, "You _do_ know that Marcus put him on the schedule tonight, right?"

She shot Vicky a look_._

Their interaction was breached by a sweaty store detective dressed up in a dark suit and tie, with a blonde model on his arm. Emmett's wide dimpled smile was as radiant as his beautiful date who was out of breath from the dance floor.

"Ladies! How are you tonight?"

Vicky passed a cool eye over Emmett and the blonde before looking away. It was clear that neither booze nor holiday spirit would turn on her charm. If Emmett noticed, he chose to ignore it.

"I want to introduce you to my fiancée. This is my _Rosita_."

Rosita smacked Emmett's arm and shot him a death glare. "Ignore him, he's being an idiot. It's Rose, actually."

Shelly spoke up, "It's a pleasure to meet you hon, and congratulations!" then snapped to Emmett. "Emmett, why is this the first we've heard of your engagement?"

Emmett colored and revealed that he proposed on Thanksgiving and this was their first official event as an engaged couple. Then he showed them Rose's ring. It was a brilliant-cut diamond solitaire mounted on a platinum band.

"We're hoping for a spring wedding," Rose explained.

Just then, Irina knocked three times on the table. "You no get married in May. Wery bad month, I theenk. You," she pointed at Rose, "you got good baby hips. Baby come quick - it be easy."

Rose looked fairly horrified but managed to eek out a "_Thanks_," to the deli clerk-turned-soothsayer. No one at the table was sure what the appropriate response should be. Emmett and Rose waved goodbye and returned to the dance floor.

The ladies took turns on the dance floor, the effects of numerous cocktails notwithstanding. Bella and Vicky gyrated under the colored lights to hypnotic house music. Esme was the hit of their group. Her moves were sharp and impressively agile. The others looked at her in amazement. She just shrugged and said Jasper had _Dance Dance Revolution_ at home.

Bella excused herself to return to their table for a break. She pulled her phone from her purse to check the time.

_10:18; less than an hour left._

"Hey, Beautiful. I'm not too late, am I?"

She whirled around to find Edward, dressed in a grey tee shirt and his work pants, standing a few feet away. He wasn't scruffy tonight, but a little work-worn. His arms and chest showed moderate definition, but the small tuft of curly hair peeking over his v-neck sent her heart aflutter.

"Edward! I didn't think you were coming."

"Marcus let me leave early. You were right." He surveyed the dance floor and looked back at her. "Would you like to dance?"

Her palms were sweaty and nervous energy coursed through veins like ice water. She couldn't dance with him in front of everyone. _They couldn't be seen together; not this way. _The night was almost over and she had yet to tell him she was married and this…_chemistry_ between them could not be explored.

"No thanks. I want to…talk with you, _alone_. Maybe we can go someplace quiet?" She bit her lip and her eyes begged him to understand.

"Sure, just let me stop into the men's room for a moment, and then we can go. You really look amazing tonight." his voiced matched her hush tones. His eyes flashed vivid green before detaching from hers, and he left the banquet room.

Bella tried to find Esme, but found Vicky first.

"Vicky, can you let Esme know that I'm all-set with a ride home and I'm leaving early?"

Vicky looked at her with pointy, raised eyebrows. "So you're going through with it? _Un_believable! Take care, and be safe."

Bella stopped at the bar and made her dreaded call.

X-x-X

"Is this music OK with you?" Edward asked, leaning toward the stereo console.

Bella nodded and huddled against the passenger door. Her body language was contorted and unyielding. For someone who was so eager to leave the party forty-five minutes ago, she seemed downright miserable.

Edward shifted the Volvo into the right lane and signaled his intent to exit the 91. Bella shot up quickly in her seat and turned to him in a panic.

"Where are we going? Why are we stopping?"

He pulled the car into the gas station two hundred yards from the exit and cut the engine. Sighing greatly, he pushed back his seat and crossed his hands on his lap.

"You said you wanted to talk to me alone, so I was driving you to my dorm. I have a single, so no one would bother us…"

"No, Edward! I'm not going to go back to your room with you! You just assumed that by 'talking' I really meant I wanted to get in your bed?"

"Whoa. Hold on! Back up a minute! You wanted a quiet place to talk, if you don't wanna go back to my dorm, fine! I never_ presumed_ that 'talking' was a euphemism for sex." His eyes blazed angrily.

"Just…_I'm sorry_. I need to be in a public place. I want to be alone with you in a crowd. _Does that even make sense?"_

He smiled and patted her hand. "That _absolutely _makes sense. So tell me Bella, do you like malted milkshakes?" he asked, eyes twinkling. She squeezed his hand back and rested their hands on the center console. The engine hummed to life and drove off.

X-x-X

Jacob stood up to stretch from the sofa. The Celtics beat the Bulls 106-80 and all was well in New England.

"Oh man, that was a good game! Do you want another beer?" Jacob asked.

"Nah, I gotta take dump. Help yourself, though," Seth called over his shoulder and grabbed the comics on his way to the bathroom.

Heeding Seth's advice, he headed into the dark kitchen and flipped on the light switch. There in the shadows was Seth's sister, Leah. Even though it was December in Massachusetts and Winter's chill owned the air, Leah was dressed in denim cutoffs and a scoop-neck tank top. She leaned against the cabinets, pressing a cold, glistening bottle of Corona against her exposed breasts. She lifted a bare foot against the ledge of a nearby barstool.

"Ja-_cob_. Come over here." He stayed where he was. "No, come closer, I don't bite," she murmured in a low, sexy voice.

"Leah," he acknowledged. He planted his feet a yard away from her, unwilling to advance. She was Seth's older sister by a few years and shared the cottage on Lake Congamond with her brother since Jacob left to care for his father. For years, Leah carried a torch for him. He knew about her feelings, but felt no chemistry nor attraction toward her.

"Jacob, you and I have known each other for years, haven't we? It would be _natural _for us to share comfort when we're lonely, wouldn't it?"

His face stayed motionless, but his member turned traitor in his pants. Leah, never one to be subtle, immediately zoned in on his predicament. She rolled her tongue against her cheek and licked her lips wantonly. He groaned inwardly.

"I'm married, Leah."

Her eyes mocked him, _So? _She ran her fingers down the length of the bottle neck and gripped the shaft provocatively. Sensing his momentary hesitation, she took it as encouragement.

"I'm available to you with no strings attached," she said seductively.

"You're a beautiful woman, but -"

"-But _what_, Jacob?" she hissed.

Their conversation was interrupted by Seth.

"Dude, your phone's ringing!" Seth called.

Jacob retreated to the living room where his telephone lit up and played Huey Lewis and the News' _Stuck With You_. Bella.

"Hey, it's me. I just wanted to check in and make sure you weren't too bombed to drive home."

"_Nice_, Bells. You really have a lot of confidence in me. Maybe I _will _crash on Seth's sofa tonight," he sneered.

"Well that's just _fine_! I was planning on getting drunk too. I'm going home with Esme, anyway. Goodnight!" She abruptly ended the call.

He shut his phone off and threw it at a sofa cushion. Mad at Bella, mad at Leah, mad at his biologic response to her indecent proposal, he slammed down onto the sofa and recklessly plunked his sneakers atop the coffee table. Wincing from his own temper tantrum, he pulled off his shoes before replacing his feet on the furniture. _Much better_.

"Yo, Seth! I'm crashing on your sofa tonight."

x-x-x

Long after Seth and Leah went to bed, Jacob lay awake on his makeshift bed watching shadows on the wall. He tried to fall asleep by counting fish. _One perch, two pickerel, three trout, four bass_…useless. He reached for his wallet. Flipping open his Buxton billfold, he caressed Baby Sarah's first ultrasound image. In the neighboring pocket was a picture of a handsome woman with dark hair. A woman who adored him better than any other person on Earth: the late Sarah Owen Black.

In the quiet of the tiny cottage on Lake Congamond, a grown man sobbed himself to sleep.

* * *

**Endnotes: **

Vicky's quote is from the poem _The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock _by T.S. Eliot. "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."

Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Neibuhr

DD - Designated Driver

_I appreciate your reviews and opinions. You've given TWW 84 reviews so far - thank you so much! I'm on Twitter and with painfully few followers. I'm a sucky tweeter ;P. (a)jeneffleurage. You can visit the **TWW thread **on Twilighted: www(dot)twilighted(dot)net(slash)forum(slash)?f=44&t=9220&start=0_


	6. 11:59

**A/N: **Dear Readers,

Thank you for reading my story and staying with me. I had more than a few blocked months, thank you for your kind notes. On a personal note, I'm in a new house and the Feng Shui here must be fabulous because I wrote this chapter and a couple out of sequence future chapters here as well. In time, you'll read them all. The story hasn't run dry for me, the dialogue was just very stubborn.

Big thanks to** _Irritable Grizzzly_ **for betaing. Without her, the Sun would've predictably dappled, legs would've clenched and cliché would run rampant in The Fandom. You save my butt.

Thank you to** __****froz3n charlotte **for pre-reading.

Lastly, thank you to _**ms_ambrosia **_and _**Kalimando **_for WCing an early version of this chapter with me many moons ago. I appreciate you ladies more than you know!

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**I am not a medical professional.** This is fiction and not meant to diagnose or offer any medical advice. If you think you might have PPD or any symptoms of depression, please talk to your doctor. Your health and well-being is too important to go unnoticed!

* * *

**When we last left Edward and Bella, they had ditched the Holiday party for more intimate surroundings:**

"No, Edward! I'm not going to go back to your room with you! You just assumed that by 'talking' I really meant I wanted to get in your bed?"

"Whoa. Hold on! Back up a minute! You wanted a quiet place to talk, if you don't wanna go back to my dorm, fine! I never_ presumed _that 'talking' was a euphemism for sex." His eyes blazed angrily.

"Just…_I'm sorry_. I need to be in a public place. I want to be alone with you in a crowd. _Does that even make sense?"_

He smiled and patted her hand. "That _absolutely _makes sense. So tell me Bella, do you like malted milkshakes?" he asked, eyes twinkling. She squeezed his hand back and rested their hands on the center console. The engine hummed to life and drove off.

* * *

11:59

Bright neon lights and a refurbished vintage gasoline pump heralded their arrival at the twenty-hour Whately Diner, otherwise known as, "The Fillin' Station". Surprisingly, many cars were parked in the front lot at this late hour. Edward explained it was a very popularcollege hangout.

He held open the heavy glass door and guided Bella lightly by the small of her back. She tried to keep her expression neutral, all the while very conscious of his touch. She attempted to dismiss some very unladylike urges toward him as he walked closely behind.

The diner itself was a flashback to 1950's America and the advent of the Interstate Highway. Motorist and music memorabilia flocked the walls and a classic jukebox stood proudly alongside the counter. Edward led her to a booth near the window and sat opposite. She slid onto the green naugahyde and grabbed a menu from behind the napkin dispenser.

"See anything you like?"

"I'll have a vanilla malt." She didn't tell him that a milkshake was about as much as her nervous stomach could handle now. Those pesky butterflies waged a tiny war in there_._

"…love to bring you to the Butterfly Conservatory sometime. It's nearby and I think you'd really love it," Edward interrupted her inner-monologue, startling her with his like thoughts.

"Excuse me for a moment. I need to use the Ladies' Room."

"Oh, of course! I'll order for you."

She scurried to the Ladies' Room and was relieved to find it empty. She dragged her hands over her face and clasped them behind her neck. In the mirror, her reflection mocked her. Her face looked too red, her lipstick was gone, and a faint slick sheen appeared across her brow. Why would a college student look at her twice? She patted a wet paper towel over her face and smoothed her hair as best she could with her fingers.

_It's time to set things straight._

She gave one last look at her now less-offensive reflection and with new resolve, made her way back to the booth, but as she got closer, she got lost in her Edward fog again.

"…and I ordered a burger. I haven't eaten since lunch."

_What did he say? Was she sure that a milkshake was all she wanted?_

She nodded slowly, hoping her response wasn't too delayed.

They sat across the chrome-edged table from each other, while Edward looked at her intensely. The air was thick with tension and unspoken words.

"What's taking so long?" she said with a nervous laugh.

"They had to milk the cows first?"

"Look, what are we doing, exactly? Are we…on a date?" she blurted, and then cringed.

He rubbed his chin and looked highly amused.

"Is that what you want it to be?"

"No! I mean, I don't know. What do you want?" She winced.

_Get a grip!_

He leaned over the table conspiratorially as her neck decided to arch and meet him halfway.

"I'd like very much to take you out. But this," he gestured around the diner, "is just two people talking." He grabbed her fingers away from the table's miniature juke box and she hid her face behind her hair.

"Don't hide yourself. You're so pretty and you don't even know it. My days aren't good unless I get to see your beautiful face."

Her ears burned and her conscience weighed on her like a rusty two-ton Chevy.

_Time to be honest._

"Edward, I don't think I can do this."

"Anything else I can get for you?" A waitress suddenly appeared and plopped down their orders.

He gestured toward Bella. She shook her head and the server walked away.

"What can't you do? This is just you and me talking, remember?"

"No, I mean _us_. I don't think there can be an 'us,' " she clarified.

"This has to do with me being nineteen, doesn't it? Be honest. Does it bother you that I'm in college?"

"It doesn't…I'm not..." _free_. The word dissolved.

"Bella, I know you're going to think this is really cliché, but even though I'm young, I consider myself a fatalist, and I think there's something bigger than us at work here."

She looked at him, completely dumbfounded, and in spite of herself, she laughed.

"Don't laugh. I've waited a long time to meet you Bella."

She hadn't been laughing for the reason he thought, but at the irony of it all. How was this happening? This was all too much, and she needed to lighten the mood.

"What are you - a pick-up artist or a philosopher?"

"Neither, I'm an Engineering major."

"So, what's made you so wise beyond your years?"

"I had a very good teacher."

The waitress returned with the check. She placed it surreptitiously on Edward's paper placemat and dared to look over her shoulder as she returned to the counter.

Edward turned over the check, and then dropped it angrily back onto the table.

"Fantastic!"

_I should've known he wouldn't bring enough money to cover the bill._

"It's okay, I'll get it." She grabbed the bill, but then realized what he was reacting to.

_It was my _pleasure _serving you!_

_Amber 396-7800_

"No, I've got this covered. Come on." He dropped two twenties on the table and led her out the glass doors. "Do you want me to drive you back home now?"

"I think I'd like to stay out longer, if that's okay with you." Bella couldn't keep the smile from her face.

"I was hoping you'd say that, actually. Let's go for a ride. Have you ever seen the Oxbow Marina by night?" He draped his arm around her shoulders as they walked to the car.

Their ride to the marina was deliberately unhurried. They sat in his Volvo and talked nonsense while the windows fogged. When the tension became unbearable, he leaned over, but just when he got really close, oncoming headlights flashed at their vehicle; a warning to vacate the premises.

They settled on driving Route 5 South. Bella looked out the passenger window at the bleak winter landscape. Neither of them spoke until smoke stacks were on the horizon.

"Do you mind if I..?" she asked grabbing the iPod nestled in the cupholder.

The strains of a guitar blared from the speakers. She reached for the volume control, but collided with his hand. Once again, the current of lust sparked between them. She withdrew quickly, but Edward was faster. He covered her hand and gently stroked it.

"You can change the music if you want to, but I like any excuse to hold your hand."

Her earlier resolve faded with his confession. She drank in his profile. The dim light in the car's cabin played up his handsome features, like a candidate for wax. He leaned against his headrest and their eyes connected momentarily before he returned his attention to the road.

_She nearly sighed like a teenage girl._

"I really like Les Paul and Mary Ford. It makes me wish I'd grown up in the fifties. It's such jaunty music," she said wistfully.

"_Jaunty_, huh? I guess you could call it that. My best friend can play guitar like that." He smiled infectiously and squeezed her hand. They entered Holyoke's city limits as the shadows of pointy turrets loomed in the distance.

Holyoke, with a rich industrial history as a paper and textile mecca, had old brick factories, and thickly-settled urban housing littering its landscape. Situated high above the city's flats, the Highlands section was once home to the industrial barons of the age. Characterized by elegant Queen Anne Victorians and sprawling Colonial Revival homes set back on park-like lawns, the neighborhood maintained its regal air.

"Welcome to the Highlands. Do you want to see my house?"

"You live here? I thought you lived in Amherst." She shuddered when she saw the imposing Victorian mansions, dark against the pre-dawn sky.

Edward explained that he grew up in Holyoke with his father. Carlisle Cullen was a formidable internist at the area's leading hospital. He had little time for his son and consequently, much of Edward's upbringing was at the hands of his neighbor, Esme Whitlock. The Cullens' oversized Victorian inspired many ghost stories in the mind of an eight-year-old boy. Young Edward often sought "Mrs. W.'s" comfort and presence.

"Your mom doesn't live with you?" she asked cautiously.

"No, she's been out of the picture since I was four. The Whitlocks lived two houses down, and were like my surrogate family." He pointed out a Colonial Revival home with a tell-tale Buick in the driveway.

He stopped under a tree across the street from his house and turned off the engine. They sat in his car as Edward told her about his and Jasper's childhood foibles. As he spoke, he became animated and happy. Soon, her subconscious drowned out his words. Warm feelings radiated from her belly and rose to her face.

_This feels so good, so right. I want to live right now, forever._

What if she "let things happen"? She ached for that elusive flutter in her stomach. She longed to be that lucky girl kissed by the handsome boy who whispered sweet nothings that warmed her insides. These spiraling feelings rivaled the imagination of her junior high diaries.

"Have you made plans for the holidays?" he queried.

_This__ is living in the moment._

She brought his face to hers in a surprise attack. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as their mouths pressed together and she might have shed a tear. His lips didn't lie: they were warm and yielding. She dragged her fingers through his hair as he skimmed her brow and cheek before descending to her clavicle. He brushed his lips over the spot and she elicited a breathy "Oh!" His mouth took a detour behind each ear and ambled purposefully slowly back to her lips.

"Wow, that was –"

"Unbelievable," he finished, and then kissed her eyelids.

He drove her back home without hurry. Dawn broke over the Pioneer Valley as its sleepy citizens rolled out of bed for their newspapers and to let their dogs outside. They entered the town of West Springfield and took back roads to her house. Fortunately for Bella, none of her neighbors seemed to be awake. She asked Edward to pull into the driveway, but not come inside.

"So this is where you live?"

"Uh, huh. This is me," she said awkwardly, finding the door handle.

"When can I see you again?"

"I work Sunday and again Monday night."

"I've got exams next week. I've cut back my shifts until next Sunday."

"Then you should stay home and study. I'm sure I'll see you before the holiday"

"Well, that's the thing. My dad takes me skiing in the Berkshires every Christmas, so we'll be gone probably four days. I…I could probably cancel if—"

"No, Edward. Don't cancel your plans with your father on my account. I have family obligations for the holiday too. We'll have to…play it by ear?" she forced herself not to sound distressed. She hated "_playing it by ear_".

"That's perfect. I'll text you later." He kissed her sweetly.

"Goodbye," she said and gingerly opened the passenger door. Her heart thumped steadily in her chest, and she tried to match her footsteps to its sure beat. With house keys in hand, she reached the front door and watched him pull out of the driveway and disappear down the street.

Once inside, she shrugged off her coat and caught sight of herself in the pub mirror in the entryway. Her cheeks were flushed, her eye makeup receded to the creases of her eyes, and her hair was way past its curfew. Despite all this, she whistled the tune, "I Feel Pretty".

"Bella? Thank God you're home! I didn't want to call you too early, but I've been dying to hear what happened after you left." The voice suddenly dropped to a whisper, "You don't have _company_, do you?"

"Vicky? You woke me up. No, I'm quite alone."

"Girlfriend, I need details! What time did you get back? What did you do?"

Bella sat up in bed and felt her fuzzy teeth with distaste. She looked at her alarm clock and groaned. _Not even nine AM!_ Vicky had an apparent disregard for weekend hours.

"I'm not talking to you until I've had coffee. So unless you're making me a pot, I'm hanging up now."

"Bella, wait!" Muffled sounds came through the covered receiver as Vicky called out to someone. An indistinct male voice rumbled a response. Vicky returned. "Fine, I'll get you your coffee. Get ready and I'll pick you up in twenty."

Jacob still wasn't home so she left him a scribbled note on the kitchen table and made her way outside to Vicky's waiting minivan. In the backseat sat a pony-tailed young girl, about age seven. The girl blinked at Bella, then looked at her mother behind the wheel, questioning the stranger's presence. Vicky waved a hand to the child, reassuring her safety, and then turned to Bella.

"Katie, meet Bella. Bella, this is my youngest daughter, Katie. James took the older two to a swim meet in Chicopee. So, it's just us girls today. I hope that's all right?" She looked slightly worried.

"Coffee, Vicky!"

"Right!"

She drove to a nearby Panera and led them to a secluded back table, promising to return with strong coffee. While her mother placed an order at the counter, Katie pulled a pack of playing cards out of a small quilted backpack. Bella watched as the child methodically laid out a game of Solitaire in neat piles in front of herself. Within the short time Vicky was away, Katie had flipped and ordered nearly the entire deck into suits.

"She's something, isn't she?" Vicky motioned toward her daughter at the far end of the table, placing the tray down and pulling out her own chair.

"I'm sorry we're not alone, but Katie refused to join the swim team this year- she's not physically inclined. She's a bookworm like me."

Bella took a gulp of the scalding hot coffee and waved her hand in dismissal. "No, no problem. Katie seems totally engrossed in her game. She didn't say a word to me the entire time you were gone."

Vicky smiled and nodded. "She won't listen to our conversation. Tell me what happened when you left."

"We drove to a diner for milkshakes."

"And…" Vicky gestured for her to continue.

"And we talked."

"Please don't make me drag it out of you. Did you go home with Edward?"

She thought briefly how Edward indeed drove her to see his house, but decided against mentioning it. He'd behaved honorably last night and let her make all the moves. Truth be told, his manners and restraint turned her on even more.

"No, no, no. I'm not ready to do that yet. We just kissed and it was electric. If I had to be addicted to one thing, it'd be his mouth." Her lashes bowed lustily.

Vicky chuckled, "I take it he has skills?"

Bella nodded. Memories of last night's kisses flooded her brain and her pelvic cavity and she planned to revisit those thoughts later, in privacy.

"I psyched myself up to tell him 'no', but I got tired of trying to keep away from him. I don't know what's come over me. I haven't felt this way about anyone before," she confided.

"It's new, consuming, and unlike anything you've ever known. I hear you Bella, that's how it was for me." Vicky shielded her mouth. The child paid no attention to the adult conversation, but continued her game of Solitaire. "That feeling was my drug for seven months, until it wasn't."

"I don't know what to do next. It's just incredible to feel and be 'in the moment.' I feel like I'm in charge of my life, not Jacob."

"When are you going to tell him about Jacob?"

"Hopefully never. I don't think they need to know about each other, do you? It was just _kissing_," she said defensively.

"I think you're only fooling yourself. Besides, you could really use an ally in your corner," Vicky said wryly.

"Fooling myself? I thought you were my biggest supporter." She took another swig of her coffee.

"I _am_. Just be safe."

Bella hurried past Jacob's pickup truck in their driveway and took a cleansing breath at the back stoop. _Five…four…three…two…one…_

"Hello? I'm home," she said, her voice reverberating through the open door.

Not hearing a reply, she cast off her shoes in the mudroom and padded into the kitchen. She was just stepping past the refrigerator when loud snores carried from the den. Rounding the corner, she was assaulted by the smell of booze and last night's nachos. Jacob lay on the small sofa with a short blanket covering his torso and face. His white-socked feet hung over the arm and looked mighty uncomfortable.

"Uhng!" the blanket groaned.

"Good morning to you too," she snapped as a surge of annoyance came over her.

"_Shhh_….my head."

_Serves him right for getting drunk._ She left the den and returned with a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol, holding her breath and depositing them on and end table. Jacob's left arm snaked out from his blanket and grasped her elbow. He gave it a feeble squeeze, by way of a wordless "thank you".

Bella left him silently and went upstairs to their bedroom. She flopped onto the unmade bed and sobbed wretchedly onto her pillow. She was somewhere between love and duty. Someone's heart was likely to be broken, and quite possibly, it would be her own.

Bella returned to Stop and Shop on Sunday and threw herself into her work. Tons of customers poured into the store and stopped at her booth for everything from Money Grams to cigarettes. She was grateful for the respite from Jacob and Edward.

Monday morning rolled in cold with a dusting of snow and speculation of some accumulation. She stopped at a gas station for some fuel line anti-freeze before the trek over the bridge to her appointment. Holiday decorations glinted like beacons on metro district light posts: Christmas was only ten days away.

At her doctor's office, Bella shivered in her flimsy exam gown on top of a paper-lined table. Nearly ten minutes before, fully-dressed, she'd bumped elbows with a dozen or more women in various stages of pregnancy. Several of them brought their moon-faced children to their appointment and forced them to occupy the adjacent orange vinyl chairs. One such child left a saliva impression of his tongue on the waiting-room fish tank. His mother glanced over at "Drooley," but never said a word. Bella clutched her travel-size Purell like a talisman.

Now alone in this small sterile room, she rehearsed her list of symptoms and concerns before Dr. Hamilton appeared. Two sharp raps on the door signaled the OB-Gyn's arrival.

"Bella, my dear. How have you been these past few weeks?"

Dr. Hamilton listened patiently while Bella recounted her physical and emotional state since the miscarriage. He performed a brief examination and wrote her a referral for a psychotherapist and a prescription for a mild anti-depressant.

"I think you have Post-Partum Depression. I recommend that you get moving; try a walking regimen. Exercise can do wonders for your emotional well-being. I don't like to medicate my patients unless absolutely necessary. Talk with Dr. Davis first before you fill this prescription and see what she recommends. Would you like Jane to call and set an appointment for you?"

"Thanks, that'd be helpful."

"Let's talk about birth control. What kind are you using?"

"None, we haven't had sex."

Dr. Hamilton removed his glasses and squinted at her before jotting a note in her file. His messy script was indistinguishable to even a practiced upside-down reader. Bella squirmed and the paper beneath her bottom crackled conspicuously.

"Should you resume your sexual activity, I'd like you to steer clear of hormonal birth control methods. Those can negatively affect your mood. You should wait to conceive again until you've had at least three menstrual cycles. Have you and your husband spoken about this?"

"No, we…I'm not ready to try again."

The doctor dropped his pen on the chart and confronted her directly. "I'm surprised it hasn't come up sooner. Bella, take some time to talk with your husband about your wishes. When I spoke with him last, I drew very different conclusions about his expectations. This is of mutual importance to both of you.

Bella hung her head, feeling the full weight of the doctor's admonishment. She supposed that Jacob wanted to do "the baby dance" again, but she was sour on the idea. So far "avoidance" was the way she'd been dealing with it.

She thanked Dr. Hamilton and left her appointment with a prescription, a referral, and a sense of dread. She wove through the throng of bloated bellies and made her way out the door. Once inside the parking structure, she found a waiting text message from Edward.

_Trying 2 study but can't stop thinking about U. _

She texted back, _You're under my skin, too._

Seconds passed before the screen came to life again.

_U can't say things like that when I'm in a library! I might explode._

She smiled and thought up some very hands-on ways to say the same thing.

_Next week, I can_ show _you in a library._


	7. Rendezvous

**A/N: **This chapter has been brought to you today in-part by beta **Irritable_Grizzzly** and the Institute of Apostrophe Awareness, prereaders **lolafalana71**, **hippiestarr**,** Kalimando** and the National Twilight Trust, a special endowment from **Marly** and **Emergency Beta Services** in cooperation with the Twitter Corporation, and by** readers like you, _thank you!_**

**Disclaimer** : All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**I am not a medical professional.** This is fiction and not meant to diagnose or offer any medical advice. If you think you might have PPD or any symptoms of depression, please talk to your doctor. Your health and well-being is too important to go unnoticed!

* * *

_**Last chapter**,_ Bella decided to live "in the moment" and pursue a relationship with Edward. She confided in supportive Vicky, who hinted about her own past love affair.

At her OB/GYN appointment, Bella admitted that she and Jacob were not trying for another pregnancy to Dr. Hamilton.

_"No, we…I'm not ready to try again."_

_The doctor dropped his pen on the chart and confronted her directly. "I'm surprised it hasn't come up sooner. Bella, take some time to talk with your husband about your wishes. When I spoke with him last, I drew very different conclusions about his expectations. This is of mutual importance to both of you._

* * *

Rendezvous

"I couldn't concentrate on my final. I kept thinking about you, here in this sexy, _sexy_ yellow shirt," he whispered in-between ear nibbles.

"I had no idea uniforms turned you on so much," she said playfully.

"It's a by-product of my parochial education," he admitted. "If only you had an embroidered crest right here, I'd bite it." He cupped her left breast .

Edward and Bella lay hidden in near-darkness, kissing and touching each other with abandon between canned food pallets awaiting shelving, the faint whirring noise of the forklifts in the distance.

For the third day in a row, Edward drove nearly forty five minutes from campus to the Stop & Shop for a fifteen minute "study break." He was quick to point out the impracticality of meeting at the University library. _Too many students, no privacy_.

Bitter cold, the stockroom mimicked the outdoor conditions and kept everyone away. Bella shivered in her long-sleeved shirt and thin apron, and Edward noticed immediately and insisted that she take his coat.

"Take it, it's warm. I can't have you freezing."

Bella squinted to check the time by her phone and shook her head.

"No, I can't. My break is almost up."

"Please, you can wear it back to the time clock – just put it on," he said, his breath coming out in a vapor.

She touched his shoulder, holding him in place.

"If I walk out of this stockroom wearing your jacket, everyone is going to know we're together."

A look of both confusion and amusement washed over his face and then he shrugged and squeezed her chilly fingers.

"So what? At least you'll be warm, right? Are you afraid of getting caught by management?"

_Yes, management and everyone else in town_. She shook her head.

"This is really _personal_ for me; I don't want to share that with anyone. As soon as the Gossip Queens see me wearing that jacket, they're going to go on a feeding frenzy! They rip into you, find reasons why you're not good enough – They hate you, but they want to _be_ _you_ at the same time. Do you know what I mean?"

Edward sighed and helped Bella to her feet. Cases of Jolly Green Giant vegetables smiled next to her, reminding him of their first meeting at the freezer.

"I think you're worried what people will think because of our age difference. It really doesn't matter to me, honestly."

"Edward -" she began, then switched tactics. "Next time, we need to find someplace warmer."

_Two days later_

"Dayaamn, that chick's going crazy! Baby, I can show you how to put that mouth to work." Cai patted his zipper lasciviously.

Emmett looked up from his desk to his co-worker in front of the security monitors.

"Whatcha got? It's not that granny licking the cover of Vanity Fair again, is it?" Emmett asked.

"Hell no! These two came out of nowhere and started sucking face. He's got his hand up her -."

"What?" Emmett jumped from his seat.

"Dude, I can't see their faces. Zoom in!"

Emmett stared at the grainy image. An unidentifiable female employee was tightly wrapped around an obscured male. The two were engaged in a passionate lip lock inside a largely unused bathroom corridor.

"No, they're too close to the restroom. We could get sued for taking interior shots on camera., I'll walk down there myself."

Emmett donned his Red Sox cap, jogging toward the bathrooms near Produce, and was thirty feet away from the doorway when a red-faced Esme Whitlock barreled out. As he tried to catch up with her, he collided with a customer picking apples.

"Pardon me, Ma'am." Emmett tipped his cap at the lady and bent to retrieve the rolling fruit. One apple suffered a particularly hard blow that left his hands sticky and he grimaced with arms extended toward his destination.

Then Bella Black came out of the women's room at the opposite end of the corridor and he locked on her frightened-deer expression as her hands twisted in her apron.

"Emmett," she said stiffly, trying to appear unaffected.

He studied her evasive and somewhat hostile body language without saying a word.

"I've gotta get back to the…" She motioned toward the sales floor.

"_Ah, Bella?_ You wouldn't happen to have seen -." Emmett paused. "Nah, never mind." He greatly respected Bella, not to mention that she outranked him. If he voiced his suspicion, it would only end badly.

_At the mall._

"I hope you wore your running shoes. It's going to be a mad house in there."

She pointed to her Adidas and clutched her purse.

"I'm ready. Let's roll."

For nearly three hours, Bella and Jacob shopped side-by-side for family gifts, and by noon they'd amassed enough purchases to warrant a trip back to the car.

"I still need to buy your gift. Can I meet you back in front of the elevator in an hour?" Jacob asked as they walked back inside.

"Sure, that'll give me enough time to shop for your present."

"M'kay, bye." He pecked her quickly on her lips and disappeared into the crowd.

Bella wasn't being entirely truthful. Last week she'd taken advantage of an online-only sale and bought Jacob some specialty fishing gear. Her new focus was to find an appropriate gift for Edward. She'd cashed her paycheck Friday so she wouldn't have to charge it and have it show up on the statement.

She stopped at Starbucks to recharge with caffeine. Once inside, she leaned back against her stool and dialed Edward's number. His phone went straight to voice mail and she was about to leave a message when someone rapped on the glass from outside. Shelly Cope, arms laden with shopping bags and a Venti Latte, grinned back at her. Bella quickly shut her phone and beckoned Shelly to join her.

"Hey, Kiddo!."

"Have a seat?"

"No, I've gotta meet my son at The Christmas Tree Shops."

"Do you have a lot more Christmas shopping to do?"

"Aw, hell no! I finished Christmas shopping in October. This is for my _Toy_ Party," she said, winking.

Bella blushed. These kinds of parties weren't her kind of thing, but she really wanted to be seen as "one of the girls."

"What day is it?"

"It's January 7th. Think you can make it?"

"Yeah, I should."

"All right, I'll catch you later." Shelly patted Bella's shoulder and left.

Bella drained her coffee and resumed her present hunt. With just six minutes left before she had to meet Jake, she made up her mind on the lambskin driving gloves, found a short line, and made her final purchase.

"Hey!" she said breathlessly when she caught up with Jacob.

"Ready for Bertucci's?" He grinned and held out his hand.

Dinner at the restaurant was pleasant, and when their waiter offered desserts, Jake unexpectedly ordered tiramisu for two.

"Wow, you're full of surprises tonight," Bella said.

"You mean that in a good way, right?" he said, flashing her a very white smile.

"You're up to something, aren't you?" She shook her fork at him.

Reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket, he produced a folded packet of papers and laid them on the table.

"I was going to keep this until Christmas, but I think I want to give it to you now."

She took the papers. It was an American Airlines travel itinerary. _Jacksonville in three weeks._ She refolded them on the creases and handed them back to him.

"I'll have to clear this with Mr. Newton—"

"Already took care of it.

She looked at Jake and then down at her hands. _Say something._

"That's…great Jake. I can't wait. It'll be good to get away," she said through a pasted-on smile.

"I want you to be happy. I want to be happy _with_ you."

Her eyes welled with tears and she rubbed at them with the back of her hand. Inwardly, she cursed him for being so thoughtful.

"We'd better go. I'm going to turn into a raccoon within five minutes." She stood.

"You'd be the cutest raccoon for miles," he said, and they embraced and left the restaurant together.

Christmas Eve came quickly that year. Choosing to forgo hours of preparation, Bella and Jacob ordered a prepared meal from Stop & Shop, and she picked it up just before the deli closed.

"Your spouse, he vill like zeh meat, but no powder potato. You buy fresh and you cook, yah?," Irina said as Bella took the bag."

She nodded vaguely at the deli clerk and hoped it appeared she'd comprehended the instructions. Her mind swam. Jacob had planned a trip for two to Florida to make her happy, and her in-laws expected an afternoon dinner followed with plenty of Christmas cheer. She figured as long as the liquor flowed freely, no one would question the mashed potatoes.

As she lay there with insomnia once again, Jacob's gentle snores mocked her. Without a sound she finally left their bed in the early morning hours and went downstairs. She mulled over calling Edward on his ski vacation. Only one of his daily calls from the Berkshire slopes had reached her successfully. With Jacob in the same room, she'd had no choice but to let the calls go to voicemail.

She called but there was no answer. It was 4:30 a.m., so he was probably asleep.

When her alarm went off at 6:30, she felt like a zombie on auto-pilot. Her day was already planned to the half-hour, starting with a shower and that new round, beige pill. With just a week's worth of doses taken, she couldn't say whether the anti-depressant was effective. She'd managed three quarters of her tasks before Jacob emerged downstairs.

"What can I do to help?"

"Set up the punch bowl or bring out the folding chairs."

He screwed up his face but lumbered down to the basement storage. Bella quickened her pace and had everything wrapped, heated or placed before noontime. Jacob's sisters and their husbands, followed by Charlie and Billy, arrived a half an hour later.

"Hi Bells! You look great. We picked up some flowers at 7-Eleven," Charlie said sheepishly and shrugged out of his coat.

"Thanks, Dad, Billy. Let me take these from you. Rachel and Rebecca are already in the living room. Dinner will be ready soon."

Charlie nodded and went to mingle with her in-laws as Billy sat quietly in the foyer and studied the pine bough garland on the console with great interest. Bella decided to leave him be and walked the bouquet into the kitchen.

Moments later, Billy wheeled in and wordlessly drew his chair to the refrigerator. The side-by-side was posted with various coupons and paper clippings and he was scanning them when something caught his eye. He tapped his finger against it.

"Are you a friend of Bill W.?" he asked.

Bella set down the flower vase on the counter and looked at her father-in-law.

"Excuse me?"

Billy cleared his throat and squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.

"Live one day at a time?"

Still not understanding, she stepped toward the fridge and peered at the taped-on clipping Billy had read.

_God__,__ grant me the serenity to accept the things I __cannot__ change,__ the__ courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference._

Oh. _Oh!_ Realization dawned on her. She shook her head.

"Did you put this up?"

"I found it on a tea box and I just liked it," she said with a pang of embarrassment.

Awkwardly, she moved away from Billy and returned to the flowers He looked at her for a few more seconds, and then dropped the subject. The doorbell rang again and he wheeled himself back to the foyer to greet the newest arrivals.

In the den, Jacob pulled out his copy of the Guinness Book of World Records to share with his brothers-in-law and then dumped the contents of the storage ottoman, looking for back issues of Sports Illustrated. The front door shut and he gathered an armload to bring into the living room when a low voice came from the doorway.

"Hello, Jacob. Your dad said I could find you here."

"Leah? Merry Christmas," he said with genuine surprise. Seth had mentioned on Wednesday that he might stop over for drinks, but said nothing about bringing his sister.

"You too. Look, I have something. It's not much, but I couldn't give it to you in front of everyone, you know?"

Jacob put down the magazines and faced his best friend's sister. Leah wore black corduroy pants and a red sweater. She'd attempted to tame her short, scraggly hair, but little cowlicks misbehaved against her side part. Something else looked different about her, but he couldn't decide what it was.

Leah was silent, and he realized that he'd been staring.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

She thrust a small, tissue-lined bag toward his chest wearing an anxious expression and biting her thumbnail.

"It's not much -"

Dipping his hand into the bag, he grasped something small, cool and metal. He removed it from the tissue paper and saw it was a tiny silver-plated rattle, engraved with Baby Sarah's name and date of birth, along with _Forever in our Heart_. He looked up at Leah with tears in his eyes.

"Thank you, it's perfect," he whispered.

Leah looked at the den bookcases instead of Jacob. If she stood there silent any longer, she knew she'd cry too, so she deflected her emotion with more talk.

"We do trophies and small plaques at work...I mean, I don't engrave them. I just pack them. I thought this might be—"

Jacob gave her a fierce hug as she closed her eyes and breathed him in. She was grateful he couldn't see her dopey expression right now. A few minutes alone with Jacob Black and she was already punch drunk.

"Hey, my man! Merry Christmas!" Seth called from the doorway.

Leah slipped out of Jacob's embrace and pretended everything was normal as Jacob dropped his arms back to their sides, turning to greet Seth.

"Hey, glad you stopped over! Come have a glass of eggnog with me? Bella made you a rum cake from her grandma's recipe."

Leah snorted then quickly covered it up with a cough. Seth shot his sister a warning look, but she rolled her eyes at him, dug into her purse, and extricated a small bottle of brandy.

"No thanks! I bring my own holiday cheer wherever I go," she said and left the room.

"More like she brings her own evil spirits!" Seth said under his breath and grinned.

"Come on, Bro." Jacob laughed.

Christmas and New Year's 2010 went past in an indulgent blur. Edward returned from the Berkshires, rejoining Bella at work for major inventory preparations. For the first time since her Maternity Leave, she'd worked a full-time work week, spending days hunched over with a stubby pencil in her teeth, counting and separating merchandise on the sales floor and out back. Edward's day was split between inventory prep and cashiering, much to her jealousy. All store associates grumbled over the week-long drudgery, but those who finished first made a daily stampede for Happy Hour.

For the first time, she and Edward chilled together with work friends without having to explain. Their co-workers teased him about his age. Shelly Cope ordered him a virgin Margarita, with an emphasis on the "virgin." He bore their teasing with good humor, but Bella sensed wistfulness behind his expression.

"Can I see you tomorrow? Maybe I can come over and we can have a movie marathon? You can pick the titles." He sounded hopeful and took her hand, swinging their arms gently. She noticed he was wearing his new leather gloves.

The blustery night sky blew snow flurries onto the sea of cars before them. Some caught on his watch cap and lashes, sparkling under the flood lights..

She winced guiltily. "I can't, Edward. Shelly's party is tomorrow, and I promised her ages ago I'd be there."

"Well, can I come too?"

"No, it's a..._Ladies' Night_."

"Huh. I guess this is where I'm supposed to say, 'Have a great time!'."

She leaned into him and kissed his cheek.

"Yes, that's _exactly_ what you're supposed to say."

"Bella, can you hold the popcorn while I get the brownies from the back?"

"Yep. Just put it on top of the guacamole." Bella took in her surroundings in the frigid January air. Shelly lived in a large condominium complex about a mile and a half away from the Stop & Shop. Limited guest parking had necessitated that the women carpool.

They trudged up a short path in a snow covered courtyard.

"You know, I didn't see Esme's car, did you?" Bella said.

"No. Maybe she's still sick? I switched shifts with her one day last week because she wasn't feeling well."

When the got to the condo, the front door opened and Ricky Martin music blasted out onto the sidewalk. Shelly appeared with a bite-sized cheesecake at her lips, beckoning them inside.

"Come in, come in! Ladies, I think you know everyone. Everyone, Vicky and Bella are here!"

The other guests milled around and chattered about their recent holiday and store gossip. A couple of young, newer cashiers smiled shyly at Bella.

"This is my first time at one of Shelly's famous toy parties. Yours too?" she asked.

The younger one blushed, but the older of the two, a blonde, nodded and giggled.

"Shelly wouldn't take no for an answer. Besides, I heard there was a door prize," said the blonde.

"What's the prize?"

"It's a _Vamp_." the young cashier whispered.

"It's a sparkly dildo that you can put in the freezer," the blonde explained.

"A dil-. Um, okay." She rubbed the back of her neck and tried not to show her embarrassment. _Who the hell got off with a frozen dildo, anyway?_

Shelly said, "Everyone's here, so let's go to the dining room and I'll introduce you to Senna from Amazon Woman Products."

"...And then he said, 'I'll take you for a ride, Baby'. Oh my God! We were laughing so hard."

The guests roared with laughter as Jessica told another story. Shelly passed the wine and shrimp cocktail around as the women chattered around the table, and Bella speared a shrimp with a toothpick, but Vicky declined and excused herself to the bathroom.

"Can I get you something else?" Shelly said.

"No, but – can I ask you something? In private, if that's all right?" Bella asked carefully.

"Sure! Come to the kitchen with me."

Bella followed her hostess to the small galley and perched on a barstool.

"Shelly, Vicky mentioned something to me once about an incident that happened with her a while ago. I didn't want to ask her about it, it seemed too awkward."

Shelly's eyebrows rose over her aqua eyeshadow as she smacked her lips.

"I know what you're talking about. I don't think I'd be doing much harm telling you. I figured _everybody_ knew who was working with us back then..."

Bella had been working with the women for a decade, but had never felt a kinship with them until now. _Had she been__ too__ aloof?_

"It was maybe five years ago. Vicky and her husband were going through a rough patch ... I think it had something to do with child discipline at home…so one of the store detectives starts flirting with her. He was a lot younger, maybe twenty-five. They began taking their breaks together, and then they started seeing each other outside of work. She was smitten."

"Vicky said it ended after about seven months. What happened?"

"She was going to leave her husband for him and he called the whole thing off and told her he was getting married!"

"To who?"

"That little bitch Nabisco merchandiser, that's who! Naomi, or something."

"No!" Bella gasped. She vaguely remembered Naomi and couldn't believe that the scandal took place without her being aware of it.

"Oh yes he did!" Vicky said from behind them.

Bella's face turned beet red. _How much of the conversation had Vicky overheard?_

"That's my cue to leave," Shelly said and whisked back to the living room.

"Bella, if you wanted to know, you could've just asked me," Vicky said, sounding hurt.

"I'm so sorry. It was wrong of me. I just didn't want to dredge up anything painful by asking you."

Vicky inhaled sharply and leaned her head against the wall, her clingy jersey dress making her tall frame appear even more angular. She appraised Bella momentarily.

"I'm not mad at you. It's not painful, _per se_. It just reminds me how stupid I was and how many witnesses there are to corroborate."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating. Nobody thinks you're stupid," Bella said.

"I think you'll find that Emmett disagrees. He's given me the Scarlet Letter treatment for years."

"Maybe he's jealous?"

"Probably not. Look, bottom line is that I loved this guy, and he broke my heart. I told my husband and asked for forgiveness, and he gave it. I've moved on."

As they went back into the dining room, the door prize winner was announced.

"...And the lucky Goddess is..._Jessica!_ Congratulations. Use it in the _best_ of health," Senna said.

Shelly cleared her throat. "Ahem. The winner also gets a second prize. I've contributed a ten dollar gift card to Radio Shack. If you're like me, that'll get you a week's worth of batteries!"

Friday afternoon, Bella arrived to work early, slipping past most of her co-workers unnoticed, save for Edward, and crept into the empty break room, waiting for him to follow.

She'd had just touched up her lip gloss when he sauntered through the door with a mischievous grin. He kept his eyes locked with hers as he pulled his time card from his wallet and swiped it through the machine.

_Hello_, he said with his eyes, and came toward her. They were taking a big risk. Usually they tried to maintain their distance when in the common areas where they could be caught, but right now they seemed to both be forgetting that.

Just as he was reaching out to her, Esme Whitlock burst into the room, owning every inch of her five-foot-four-inch frame, her nostrils flared, pointing at Bella indignantly.

"I can't believe what a fool I've been! You've been seducing this _boy_ right under everyone's noses. How could you, you trollop? Who do you think you are, _Mrs. Robinson_?"

"What are you talking about?" Bella said.

"Don't play coy with me! I've been watching you for weeks now, and when I saw the way you two looked at each other right before he followed you in here, I decided to confirm my suspicions."

Edward said, "Yeah we've been seeing each other, so what? That's no reason for you to be calling her names. Why does everyone have to make such a big deal about the age difference? It's no big deal."

Esme spun in surprise. "He doesn't know? Well, let me enlighten you Edward."

"No, please! Not like this," Bella begged.

"What's she talking about? Bella, talk to me."

Esme clicked the lock and pressed her back to the break room door, staring at Bella with anger and vehemence.

"Nobody's going anywhere until we get this out in the open. Bella, you tell him right now _or I will_."

Bella broke into a cold sweat and felt the blood retreat from her face as she braced herself against a nearby chair, defeated.

"I'll do it." Summoning up all the courage she had, she said, "Edward, I'm married." Then she squeezed her eyes shut, preparing for his wrath.

"You're married," Edward repeated slowly. "What does that mean?"

Esme sighed. "It means that she has a husband and a house with a mortgage. She's a grown-up."

"Fuck you, Esme! I'm not a child," Edward said.

"Well, I – Excuse me." Esme's voice wavered and she abruptly left the room.

Seconds ticked by without a sound as Bella felt the full weight of her shame.

She couldn't look at him as she said, "I'm so, so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was scared."

"I need some time to process all of this."

"Of course," she said, her voice giving away her desperation.

Then he rushed out, leaving her alone as she stood and wiped her sweaty palms against her apron and tried not to cry.

She wasn't sure how she got through her shift that night. Edward had disappeared from his register, most likely having left early. She avoided Esme at all costs and Vicky had the day off. Somehow, she managed to smile at the customers and listened halfheartedly while Jessica read her a Cosmo quiz.

"I'm going to go take a coffee break, okay?"

"Sure, Bella."

She stopped at the bathroom first and was washing her hands when the door opened and Esme entered.

"He doesn't want to talk to me anymore. "

Esme looked at her for a long moment and sighed, combing her fingers through her neat hair. The creases in her forehead had become more pronounced since last week.

She spoke with renewed calm. "That's probably for the best, I think." Then, taking a deep breath she said, "Bella, I don't want you to think that I hate you. You might not realize this now, but you were making a huge mistake that you would have lived to regret your entire life. I couldn't stand by and watch you do that to yourself, or to Edward. He's like a son to me, and I don't want him robbed of his -"

"You see me as an Old Testament temptress, out to steal a young man's virtue."

"No, I was going to say 'his romantic heart.' I've known that boy all his life and he's so naïve and vulnerable. You could break him so easily."

Bella swallowed back her tears.

"You give me far too much credit. I've never broken anyone's heart. Edward would've been the one to tire of me, sooner or later. I should thank you, actually."

"I can't believe I said all those horrible things to you! I'm _menopausal_... I'm an old grouchy mama bear looking out for her cubs."

"More like an irritable grizzly," Belly said wryly.

They laughed and Bella turned off the faucet and turned to face Esme.

"How long have you known?"

"I've suspected it for a couple of weeks. I'm sorry for the way I handled it, but not the result. Do you forgive me?"

She nodded and tasted the salty tears that had collected on her lip.

_It was over before it began._

* * *

**End notes:**

There's a golden oldie,_ Secretly_, sung by Jimmie Rodgers that kept playing in my head when I wrote this chapter. You can Google it if you like. I used to listen to it on the radio when I was a kid. At the time, I naively equated the lyrics to teenage angst. Now I found out that it's somewhat of a GLBT anthem. - _My duh!_

The Christmas Tree Shops - a New England retail chain originating in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. In spite of its name, it isn't a Christmas specialty store.

Thanks for sticking with me. I'm working on an outtake right now that I'm a little nervous to tell you who it's about. I'll just go ahead and say it and suffer the consequences. It's a Leah outtake because you deserve to know her luggage.

I'm still writing, but epically slow. You're welcome to PM me with questions here or find me on Twitter at jeneffleurage. Ciao.


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